Deus ex Conker - Ch. 1-6. Chapters are titled as follows: 1. Introduction/Disclaimer 2. A Conspiracy Begins... 3. Behind the J2 / Conker Elite 4. Vengeance of the Tediz 5. Ultimanium's Offering 6. Preview of Chronoceptor (Ultimatum Saga Part 3) DEUS EX CONKER (A continuation of the Ultimatum Saga) by Ultimanium (Keyvan Chandonnet) (A/N - When we last left our friend Ultimanium, he had lent Project J2 out to Lord Raul. Lord Raul has just recently given back the Project J2 to Ultimanium, and Ultimanium, utilizing J2, is trying his hardest to screw up the other dimensions into thinking the Ultimatum never happened. This way, the events in the original Ultimatum cannot and will not be modified. Understood? No? In the case that you don't READ THE ULTIMATUM ALREADY!! Or at least the epilogue. Please? Good. On with the show.) Keyvan walked into the room and flipped on the light. He glanced around at an wall of the room, covered entirely with electrical and sound equipment. 4 booths, facing inwards on each other, sat in the center of the chamber. Keyvan trudged over to the eastern booth, flung open the door, and sat down on the swivel chair in the booth. In the booth with him was a fair amount of auxiliary sound equipment, a radio microphone, and a cup of scalding coffee. Keyvan twisted a dial, pushed a button... threw a joystick.. and started to speak. Keyvan : Wakey wakey ladies and gentlemen! This is Keyvan speaking to you on WECUP 590 - Odiaba's Best Rock... at 6:30 we have 20 degrees with a max of 25 for the day and a minimum of 12. 70% chance of light showers. We currently have no interruptions in traffic, so let's get on with the show... *Radio station dum-de-dum-dum tune plays* *The door opens again. Two more figures step in, one medium-tall, the other short* Keyvan : The feature film The Ultimatum has brought in over $140 million since its first playing (under his breath) I wish... OH! and, um, anyways, two of the stars from the show have decided to stop by and star as guest DJs for the remainder of the morning show! C'mon in, guys! *The booths on both sides of Ultimanium open up. Davis and Veemon step in and hop in their seats. The station dum-de-dum-dum plays again* Davis : (In a faint voice) Hey, Keyvan! Do you have another starring role for us? Keyvan : (sighs) Switch on the right, Davis. *Davis flips the switch* Davis : (booming) WELL, ANYWAYS, WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS... Keyvan & Veemon : (Covering their ears) Volume, Davis! *Davis turns the dial* Davis : Er, sorry there. Keyvan : Alright, guys. Do you know what you're here for? Veemon : Can't say I do. Keyvan : Well, how would you like to critique a fanfic? My continuation of the Ultimatum and a guaranteed bestseller! (under his breath) shut up, Keyvan... Oh! Okay then. You two will help me edit it. It stars Davis : Keanu Reeves! Veemon : Bruce Willis! Keyvan : Conker the red squirrel. Veemon : (sighs) I HATE independant actors... Keyvan : You wanna be DJs or not? Davis : As long as you have some Limp Bizkit. Keyvan : You guys wait here, I'll get some out of my car. Back right after these messages! *The On Air light in the corner dims down. Davis looks at the rough script ahead of him.* Davis : Well... it couldn't be THAT bad... I mean.. it's not nearly as long as The Ultimatum... well, Vee, we might as well get to work. Veemon : (groans and picks up his duotang) Fine... Alright, people... Keyvan does not own Rage Against The Machine, Limp Bizkit, Rammestein, Pringles potato chips, Diablo/Diablo II from Blizzard, Mechwarrior, Encarta Encyclopedia, Batman, Memorex, Epson (Though he DOES have an Epson color printer), Conker or Conker's Bad Fur Day... but he can say that he has beaten it and anyone who says anything in here is truly wrong can kiss his fat hairy ass. Or correct him, if they're responsible readers. So there. I SURE HOPE YOU ACTUALLY PLAYED CBFD THE FULL WAY THROUGH, OTHERWISE SOME THINGS IN HERE WILL MAKE NO SENSE... TO THAT EXTENT, SPOILERS ARE EVERYWHERE!! All interventions by Keyvan during the fic were made when he was typing the actual script. On with the actual story! Conker took another swig from his draft and brought the can down hard on the wooden table ahead of him. Another news broadcast on TV revealed nothing of his disappearance. The Cock and Plucker was completely empty save for Conker, a work experience student sweeping the floor, and the usual bulky bartender with the cop-show mustache polishing some shot glasses. (A/N - The bartender does not have a name. As do many of the characters in Conker's Bad Fur Day. For identification purposes only, the bartender will be referred to as..) *Keyvan glances around the room, then back at this monitor. The Matrix soundtrack is running in Winamp. He scans the playlist for something fitting.* "Rammestein," the worker asked in a squeaky voice. "Where can I dump this trash?" Rammestein shook his head. "You could try the garbage can." He answered, somewhat annoyed. As the lanky attendant stumbled off in search of a garbage can or something that looked and functioned similar, Rammestein turned to Conker's seat, nearest to the bar. "Another off day?" Conker stared inbetween the planks of the table, trying not to draw the attention of the worker. "Nah, just another escape from the officials, you know the drill." "You're one of my best customers, Conker," Rammestein sighed. "It'd be a shame to see you handed off and tossed in the slammer." Conker growled. "Okay, if you haven't figured it out yet... I need to know you'll keep a secret." Rammestein shrugged. "Yeah, .. sure. Why?" Conker pointed to the obscenely large crown sitting on his head. "Alright, you see this?" "Yeah? What about it?" Conker lifted the heavy circlet off of his head and held it in front of him. "Tell me... who wears crowns? 24/7? And spends lots of time in bars?" "Well, there is this hammered squirrel I had to toss out a couple of times during the past week..." "THAT WAS ME!!" Conker yelled. "....oh. And?" Conker grit his teeth. "...crown?... comes in at evenings?.. who wears crowns a lot?" "You." "No no NOO!! I mean like a stereotype! Who wears crowns?!" Rammestein stood, puzzled. Conker jumped up on the table. "I am a KING!! KING CONKER!!" Silence. Rammestein snapped his fingers. "THAT was the word..." A loud rapping came from the door. "Who is it?" Rammestein shouted. "Hand over possession of our majesty and we'll see reason to not destroy this compound and get him ourselves!!" A muffled voice replied. Conker rolled his eyes. "Woulda figured... I gotta go. Put the drink on my tab." Conker was ready to yank open the heavy wooden door when a wave of bullets pierced through the wall around the door and blasted many of the bottles on the rack behind Rammestein, sending shards of glass everywhere. Conker threw open the door. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" He looked down. Rodent was standing in front of him, backed by at least 80 troops with assault rifles. Rodent grinned. "Majesty! Am I glad to see you! We needed you but we couldn't find you so I got the 34th and 35th regiments together and we launched a search for you! I'm so glad we succeeded! Now we can.." Conker frowned. "Get to the point, Rodent. What is it this time?" "You're past your curfew, sir, we started getting worried and.." Conker slapped his forehead. "Fine.. lead the way.." ******** The heavy metal doors fly open... and the usual scene is there. What seems like hundreds of servants sit at the foot of the gargantuan throne, and seated on it is the omnipotent Conker. It was nearly 10:30 PM, and none of the faithful denizens had any fatigue in them yet. Conker's hand was beginning to get sore. He reached over and placed the half-full milk glass onto the table next to him. The table wobbled on its three legs and toppled, and the glass hit the ground with a crash. "Ugh.. I'll clean that up in a second..." Conker sighed. As the citizens of Conker's land faced forward faithfully, Conker reached behind him, pulled out a rolled-up carpet and dropped it on the ground in front of the throne. Conker checked around him, then stepped off the throne onto the B-emblazoned carpet. He pulled out a gas mask and a tank of gas, turning the valve. After everybody in the room collapsed quite harmoniously, Conker made his way to the center of the throne room and looked about him. Everybody was sacked. He grinned and rubbed his hands together. "Context sensitivity is bliss." Conker struggled to lift the tank and began carrying it back to his chair. "Yeah, sleeping gas is a commodity..." He collapsed into his chair alongside the canister and glanced at a label on the side for a second. "Funny, is sleeping gas that much of a biohazard? I never woulda guessed. Hey, wait a minute... Sarin nerve gas? What the fuck?! This isn't the stuff I ordered!!" Several people had already begun crawling toward the exit. Rodent, wearing a gas mask as well, ushered people through the door. As soon as everybody who was living had left the premises, Rodent bounded up to the throne and began to drag Conker out. "Sire, we have to get you out of the palace! We believe someone may have set off some nerve gas in the ventilation to assassinate you!!" Conker groaned. Idiots. It was going to be one of those days. END OF CHAPTER 1 *Keyvan bursts back in* Keyvan : I have a burned disc with some samples of Limp Bizkit... recorded backwards... in Norwegian.. for about 30 seconds. Davis : Great, the Backward Norwegian Limp Bizkit sampler. Dumbass, what happened to Chocolate Starfish? Keyvan : It's at home. *Davis and Veemon slap themselves* Keyvan : It's not like Veemon needs to learn anymore language like that anyways. Say, how's the fanfic? Davis : Heh.. you nerve gassed everyone. That's a UN atrocity. Keyvan : (sweatdrops) Whatever happened to free press? Veemon : (looking out a window) I think those guys destroyed it. *Keyvan glances out the window and catches sight of a parked SWAT van. Several heavily armed troops are entering the building.* Keyvan : Er... just read. You're listening to WECUP 590 - Odiaba's Best Rock! We just had a great riff back there from Rage Against The Machine, and word from Davis Motomiya and his pal Veemon shows that Deus ex Conker is going along nicely and should be in theatres this summer! Watch for it! Conker continued plodding down the steps ahead of Rodent into the palace's bomb shelter. Ahead of Conker were the two weasel guards that first began serving him, carryovers from the reign of the Panther King. Conker was deep in thought. I can walk out into an open street in broad daylight, wearing a pink shirt, and throw nuclear warheads at people and they STILL won't notice somthing's wrong. I guess mass genocide is out of the question. And.. acting weird. There has to be a way out of this mess. *Keyvan, in a fix, needs two more names. He looks to nearby CD covers of programs he has.* "... Diablo? Encarta?" The two guards turned around. Davis : (sweatdrops) this guy HAS to be kidding... "Yuh, that's us." The shorter one answered. "Er.." Conker mumbled. "Okay. When the Great Panther King was in charge, when he had a problem, who did he go to?" "Well, whut's the deal?" the taller one replied. "Do you wanna kill someone? Figure out something? What?" Conker quickly made up something. "... like, redirecting national research or something." That was it! There's a way that research can get me out of this problem... but I can't quite grasp it... "He whud talk to the scientist." "THE scientist? Like, one?" Conker sighed. "Yeah." "What was his name?" Conker asked. *Keyvan rubs his chin and reaches for a potato chip... yeah, that's it...* "Pringle." ".. Pringle?" "Yah, but... you.. killed 'im, remember?" Conker shook his head in disgust. Opening that airlock was an all-too-great mistake. Maybe if he pounded the crap out of the alien with the maintenance robot WITHOUT sucking everyone into space, he wouldn't be in this mess now. He quickly recollected his thoughts. "...never mind." Conker moaned. The group came to a halt at the bottom of the stairs. Everybody waited in front of the large iron door nearby. The door slowly swung open with a long, squealing creak. Conker and Rodent poked their heads inside. In the shelter was several racks with canned food, and 16 hammocks were slung in pairs, tops and bottoms, in various areas around the chamber. "We're going to be staying here until the assassinations cease," Rodent explained. "It will no longer be safe to return to the surface as long as the assassinations continue. The 23rd brigade has been ordered to patrol the castle and take anybody prisoner that they feel is acting suspiciously." As everybody settled into their hammocks, Conker sat at the door, looking inwards with shock. "I can't believe this! We're going to sit on our asses and wait for me... er... THEM to STOP?! If they know we're still in the palace, they aren't going to quit!" Everybody was already asleep. Conker collapsed into a hammock. "Aw, frick, forget it. I'll worry about it in the morning." He looked over to the door. A single trooper was keeping watch at the vault entrance. Conker sighed, placed his head back and stared at the celing. He scowled to himself and kept his trusty cast-iron pan crossed across his chest. He was going to get out of here, whether anyone liked it or not. ******** Deep space churned around Pringle. As soon as the darkness consumed him, he found himself back on the marble floor of the lobby of the Feral Reserve Bank, gasping for air. Wheezing, he dragged himself across the ground, leaving several large smudges in the perfectly polished floor. He pushed himself up and sat against the nearest pillar. After a couple minutes of gargling, Pringle finally caught his breath. "V..vhat is going on here..?" Pringle sat and ruminated for a moment. "Ja. A space analomy. How interesting. But vhat kind of force could cause such a thing?.." A large shadow crept along the ground. Pringle looked up. "Vho goes there..." A small probe hovered into place in front of Pringle. The pillar behind him kept him from leaping back in surprise. Instead, he hit his head on the granite pillar. Pringle rubbed his head. "..ooow... vell.. vhat do ve have here...?" The probe bobbed slowly up and down in front of Pringle. It sported a red and yellow paintjob, broken occaisionaly with shiny chrome sticking out. It was no larger than a TV. On the side, a logo stood out. It was a picture of a half of a clock with a lightning bolt through it. "You are looking at a device of mine..." a recorded voice spoke through the mechanism. "It is a machine I call Project J2." "Project J2, ya. Vhat of it?" "Let's get this straight - Project J2 is a device capable of forgiveness, in the right hands. If it is not handled correctly, it is capable of limitless destruction. It has crossed from a neighboring dimension into this one. If you are listening to this message now, then I, Ultimanium, has lost contact with the J2 and I am in a different dimension. While it may not be possible to get the Project J2 back into my current dimension; in that case I will have to create another probe, you should use the J2 if possible to gain access to my dimension and return the probe. I can tell if the probe is operating, so I will detect any mishappenings with the probe. If I find anything wrong, the person operating the probe shall suffer dearly. I now place the J2 into your hands." Pringle rubbed his chin. "A dimensional rift... that must be it. Ja. It may have released an anti-time barrier that threw my pre-self into this reality. I suppose I should count my blessings." Pringle rubbed his hands together. "Vell then... I'd better get to where I left off." He reached into his lab coat pocket and dug around for his walkie-talkie. "I'll establish communications with the Tediz and find out vhat's going on." Pringle searched for the coordinates of the main island base of the Tediz. All he got was static. "No! Could it be..." Pringles threw the walkie-talkie across the hall. "Damn! There's no way the Tediz could have been routed from their position!" Pringle turned to find his hoverchair knocked over at the other end of the hall. After some struggling, he was able to get to it and climb into it. Before leaving, he took another look at the J2. Somehow, that device had some sort of omnipotent power behind it. And Pringle was going to figure it out, regardless the price he would pay. ******** Conker opened an eye. A quick look at his watch revealed it was 3:44 in the morning. Slowly he crept out of his hammock and waddled toward the guard, sitting against the door, playing solitaire on top of a crate of apricots. Conker stepped out from behind a stack of empty cans and waved. "Hey." The guard looked up. "Go back to bed." Conker grinned. "Nah, I'm going to hit you." The guard, slightly shorter than Conker, reeled from the comment. "...why?" "Oh, don't worry. It's not like I have to hit you. However, if you take off your helmet and give it to me, I won't." The guard dimwittedingly handed Conker the kevlar hat. He tossed it onto his head. Conker grinned. "Stupidity is never measured..." THWONG "...because where it is present, it's often in infinite quantities!" The guard collapsed to the ground, out cold. Conker sheathed his frying pan underneath his sweater. Conker shoved open the steel door open. He nabbed a flashlight off of the unconscious guard and began making his way up the stairs. ******** Berri opened her eyes, expecting to see Conker in front of her, taking a clip of bullets from her from that.. er... mobster weasel guy... *Keyvan looks around. Various computer periphials catch his eye.* Ted "The Altec Lansing" Weasel's tommygun... But, she knew all too well how much of a true wuss Conker was. "Holy shit, look at that one!" "You don't see too many female victims around here, do you?" "Heh.. c'mon boys, let's get a look while the body's still fresh..." Berri glanced around. She was in a dungeon of some sort, with several torches burning off in the distance. She stood in a shaft of light in the center of the room. Which didn't catch her attention, what was REALLY bothering her was the fact that grey squirrel soldiers were converging on her standpoint from every direction. Berri backed up. "W..what's going on here...?" "Damn it! Buggers! GET BACK IN LINE!!" A stubby, short figure with heavy black drapery waddled into the circle and swung a large scythe. "Get back in line!! Now!! Or I'll make sure our little fricking 'benefit' doesn't come into effect!" Different soldiers groaned, threw up their hands, or showed discontempt in any method they knew how and fell into a single line that stretched off into the darkness. Gregg rested the butt of the scythe on the cobblestone floor. "Squirrels.... MORE fucking squirrels! This little war up there is driving me fricking nuts! Everyday I get another 50-some squirrels asking me about some 'eternal life benefit'! Oooh... there's enough squirrels around these parts, it's getting worse than the cats! .... Urrghh... cats... pissing and shitting everywhere... thinking they can walk all over Gregg here.... " Gregg looked up to Berri. "FUCK!! Another one!!" Gregg threw his scythe to the ground. "... damn it... all you are going to pay out of your arses for this... fine... go with the drill... okay, what's your name..." With a burst of magic, a notepad and a pen appeared in Gregg's hands. "Oh, wait, lemme guess... Berri? Cause of death... blood boiling? Good enough." The pad and pen evaporated out of Gregg's grasp. "Alright, might as well get this over with... alright, squirrels get as many lives as they think they need, blah blah blah, yackety smackety... okay then.... wait... Berri?" A golden sticky note appeared out of thin air on Gregg's hand. "Ooooh, yes. That's right. Word from up above says that a person named 'Berri' is excused from dying. It says 'Berri is essential to the survival of the universe and should not be allowed to die.' signed Keyvan." *Keyvan grins* Gregg smiled. "One less squirrel for me to deal with, hell. Get out of my sight." With a flash, Berri found herself on the floor of the Feral Reserve Bank. END OF CHAPTER 2 Conker darted down the hallway, banking left. Then turning left again. Then a right. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Right. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Right. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Right. Right. Right. Left. Right. Left. Left. Left. Right. Left. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Conker began to slow down and he keeled over, trying to catch his breath. "Why is this place so damn big? I know I own the world and all.. but... ah... forget it... gotta keep going..." Conker broke into a jog and cleared the next corner. He jumped back around the edge and hugged the wall. 8 soldiers watched the service exit near Conker. "Hey... wait... if cartoon disguises work like they do...I can just walk by with one piece of soldier apparel and get by effortlessly. Here goes..." Conker put on his helmet and walked right by the troopers, gathered around a radio sitting on the floor. As Conker reached for the aluminum bar on the door, a hand landed on his shoulder. "Private! ID please." Though Conker didn't realize it, he had already started to reach into his sweater collar and he took out a pair of dog tags. "Er... um... 0099 8835 8744." The sergeant looked over his shoulder. "Timmins! Do we have a 0099 8835 8744 in 23rd brigade?" Conker winced. He was in for it. Out of a corner of his mind he remembered he was out of 42nd brigade, one of the 8 that ran the siege operation on the Tediz' island fortress during its attack. Conker had barely made it out alive. A soldier grey squirrel tapped the number into a palmtop. After a few clicks, a sign came up on the screen. He looked up. "Sir! The master computer says he's out of 42nd brigade." "Private, was 42nd brigade sent here for reinforcements?" Conker tried hard to perform a proper salute, but it fell apart. "Eh.. uh.. Yessir! The remainder of my brigade should be here shortly!" The sergeant turned around. "The problem's worse than we think if the 42nd brigade's been sent. Timmins, organize another patrol run on the west wing of the palace. This time, check the vents." "Yessir!" The soldier barked. He jumped up and bounded down the hall. "As for you, Private.... Private? Where the hell? PRIVATE! Where are you?!" ******** The J2's cart slid slowly out of the modified catscanner. Pringle glanced up at the linked monitor and rubbed his chin. "Hmm.. Eentresting... there's some veeery intricate machinery at vork here...still, how is it supposed it traverse dimensions is beyond me." The J2 rolled off the cart and hovered in place. "Vell then, we'll just have to put you away for another day, an.." As Pringle placed his hand on the J2, it began to emit a gentle green aura. The J2 tore through space-time fabric and began its journey. As fast as it had left, Pringle's chair wobbled above its laboratory floor once more. But... something was different. "Vha! Vhere did I get such atrocious attire?!" Pringle dropped a suitcase out of his hand that he had not known was even there! Pringle shook his head and smacked it a couple of times, then grabbed his lab coat off of the handle of his hoverchair and cloaked himself with it to cover his newly-acquired hawaiian t-shirt and red shorts. Then memories started hitting him. Hard. "Ooh, man... that hut on the beach.. I got some reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally good drinks there.. I should take a vacation some time and... vhat is vrong with me?!" He glanced over to the J2. It was sitting on the cart. The J2 activiated itself and a voice hummed through it: "He *crackle* llo out there! Yo *zzzzt* u don't thin *eeeeeeeeeeeeee* k you got away with it *oooooooo* do you?" Pringle quickly shut off the J2 again. The voice was different this time. It was considerably deeper than the one he had heard before, and several similarly pitched voices reverberated in the background. "Oi.. methinks I need a rest..." Pringle sighed. He hovered slowly out of the mess of the laboratory and went to get a good book. The J2 had a vengenace.. and it wasn't going to let it go unheard. Keyvan : What is happening with the J2? And how about that voice...? Will Conker ever have to deal with the J2? Speaking of which, how's he doing? Conker trudged up to the barbwired fence in Windy. He had never hoped to return this place as long as he had lived, but, duty endured. Frowning, he hopped over the fence and the door in front of him slid open. As he walked down the dimly lighted tunnel he could practically hear the cries of the wounded soldiers on the beach around him that fateful day. Conker shook the disturbing thoughts from his head - he knew he had to keep going. The military would be his next big fix... since Conker had been appointed monarch, the only people to know of his rule over the country were his 'subjects' and the king's private guard - brigades 1 through 35. The standard forces, brigades 35-200, would be the perfect place to hide out until the storm rose over. If he could tough it out long enough, he would be presumed dead, at which point he could resign and return home. Conker smiled to himself - yeah, that would work. I could go home, kick up on a recliner, and watch some good 'ol porn with a cold one in my hand. I'm sure Berri wouldn't mind..... Berri.... no, can't think about Berri, you did what you could, and that's that. There's happiness in other places... you just gotta look hard enough and work with it. Conker's tail drooped. He sighed. Gotta live with it. Conker plodded out the other end of the tunnel into the embattlement. Metal chairs were arranged at the foot of a small stage ahead of him. As he walked on, he noticed several passing soldiers were giving him suspicious looks. "I sure as hell hope THESE guys don't know.." A heavy hand hit Conker's shoulder, nearly knocking him down. Conker whipped around and looked up. "Hey.. man? Is that you? Conker! It is!" Conker remembered. It was the sergeant that had went along in his transport during the Tediz siege. While he had never actually bothered talking to any of the troops in his brigade then, he was apparently some kind of role model. Conker glanced at the nametag on his chest. Keyvan : You know, that big bulky sergeant that shows up in the multiplayer games too and says 'aw, fuck that shit' a bunch of times. *Keyvan drums his fingers on the desk. He plucks the first word that he thinks.* "...Batman? Sergeant Batman?" *Keyvan shakes his head. Nah, that's a bit TOO harsh.* "...Memorex? Sergeant Memorex?" *No way, that sounds like a mascot for Memorex. Not one CD-R Keyvan's used of theirs has worked.* "...Keyvan? Sergeant Keyvan?" *There's a name here somewhere. Keyvan just has to find it.* "...Epson? Sergeant Epson?" *Okay, there. That works.... somewhat.* "That's me. It's great to have a soldier like you back." Conker looked over his shoulder at the stage behind him. "What's the deal with the getup?" "Why, we're giving out the awards of valor during the Tediz Sige Operation of... um... Siege Tediz of Operation... Operation Tediz of the Siege of Tediz Operation... aw, fuck that shit! All you need to know is that promotions are on the way for the bunch of ya." Unbeknowest to either Conker or Epson, the awards show had already gotten underway in their 2 minute talk. "Conker! Get up here!" The announcer yelled. Conker, somewhat surprised, hopped up on the stage. "THIS squirrel is the one that, alongside the test subject Rodent, managed to slip in throughout the confusion generated by the siege of Fort Tediz and singlehandedly brought down the entire Tediz war machine as well as defeated a secret weapon devised by the Tediz, and made it out of the compound with as little as a scratch on him! Conker, on behalf of the Windy Armed Forces, would like to present you a Medal of Valor alongside your promotion to Corporal..." Conker took the platinum-sheeted medal as well as a pair of fabric chevrons. The audience cheered. Conker grinned. Maybe this entire military thing isn't going to be so bad after all. "...as well as a spot on our elite commando brigade!" Conker shifted an eyebrow. "...elite commando brigade?" "Brigade No. 201," the announcer said. "Charged with the most dangerous covert operations in the Windy military." Conker sighed. In for a penny, in for a pound. While the Tediz were dissiapated by the destruction of Fort Tediz, the assault had worked to fragment them. On the news, the Windy military had let loose information that small armies of the Tediz still patrolled the outer steppes of the kingdom, and several skirmishes had taken place. Conker's mission was far from over. Conker just smiled and waved out to the crowd. He wondered how Berri would take it if she ever could hear how well he was doing. ******** "Cooooonker!! You ass, like, come out already!" Berri, still in her Vertex outfit, strutted into the now vacant throne room. The room was devoid of its normal happy, standing populace. The B-button carpet was still there, as was the tank of nerve gas and a letter sitting on the armrest of the throne. Berri quickly tore open the letter and yanked out a tattered piece of paper. You never should have made the mistake of letting your highness out of your sight... We, the Tediz have him and we're not in the position to let him go - Unless, of course, have the customary ransom payment of $1,000,000. Even then, you'll have to find us... Though the note was clearly forged by Conker to cover up his own disappearance, that didn't quite penetrate a ditz like Berri. "Omigawd!... This is terrible! There's no telling what the Tediz could do to him..." The note continued on. P.S. If, by any chance, Berri's reading this, don't worry, I forged it and I'm still alive. Luv ya, Conker "Urrghhh.. The Tediz forged a PS saying he's alright! I have to do something!" *Keyvan appears in the throne room* Keyvan : Conker's still alive! Do you want to go to him? "No, I have to do something about the Tediz! They have Conker!" Keyvan : (Rolls his eyes and shrugs) Have it your way... *Keyvan disappears into thin air* ******** Pringle had dawdled off to sleep several hours ago. However, the laboratory continued with a life of its own. J2 hummed to life slowly and hovered into the center of the room. "Now... to sc *zzt* rew things up to *zorch* tally..." ******** Rodent paced around nervously. Where was Conker? Why was he doing this? He could get nerve gassed and we'll probably never know.. someone has to do something... Rodent growled to himself and walked toward the vault door. He opened it and stared head-on into a temporal vortex. Rodent quickly slammed the door and braced it with his back. "What is going ON here...?" ******** The waves rolled in and subsided again. Off in the distance, a small group of disfigured objects was mobile and was headed down the bluffs toward the beach. The Tediz commander marched on forward in an exaggerated goose step, wielding a small twig as his stave. "Lef.. lef... lef rike lef rike lef rike lef..." The group boomed out in a muffled mess. The leader was ready to belt out the cadence again when a massive flash erupted from the ground ahead of them and consumed the entire platoon. When the light had settled, the entire brigade had disappeared. ******* Conker glanced around the new bunk. It was similar in appearance to the previous 500 barracks buildings he had walked by this afternoon, but there was a definite polish to it. A sign on the door said BRIGADE 201 - ENTER IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. "This must be the place..." Conker said. Struggling to carry the duffel bag with his belongings from the palace, he kicked open the double doors and drug his cargo into the hall. In the corridor there was two doors on each side. He entered the left one closest to him and dropped his bag down on a bed. Conker looked around at the room. The room was certainly different than the bare-bones barracks he had seen before. The room had almost a hotelly feel to it. A radio sat on the desk, next to a mug with 3 pencils in it. A television sat on a pedestal in the corner. And the bed wasn't covered with the normal itch-inducing asbestos fireblankets, but rather with a quilt with the Windy military emblem sewed on it. Conker rubbed his hands and flopped down on the bed. "Hmm.. homely." Conker was about to drift off to sleep when a small cadet ran in. "C-Conker! We need you, quick! Brigade No. 23 is facing resistance in the palace! It's Tediz!" Conker fell off the bed and pushed himself up. "Tediz? How did they get all the way to the palace?" "Beats me, Corporal. But whatever they want, we need to get there fast!" Conker sprung forward and darted ahead of the cadet. He froze and cringed. Rodent! The rest of them! They were defenseless while they were in the vault! He turned to face the cadet. "Can you direct me to the armory? This may be worse than we think." "Can do, Corporal. And.. you might want to change into something a bit more comfortable before you go out there." "Aw, damn it, do I have to wear the uniform?" Conker whined. "Well, technically, only Privates and In-Trainings have to wear the offical combat attire, but it's the best protected against.." Conker had already disappeared outside and was on his way to the armory. It was going to be a hard road back to Rodent. He was already wishing he hadn't taken it the other way. END OF CHAPTER 3 Berri jogged around the corner. She turned again, to the left. She went the other way at the next junction. She turned left again. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Right. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Right. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Right. Right. Right. Left. Right. Left. Left. Left. Right. Left. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Right. Right. Left. Left. She came to rest at a flight of stairs heading down. "How do you find your way out of a place like this? Okay, this should be some kind, like, of underground exit... let's see..." Berri had taken no less than 40 steps when a shot rang out in front of her. Sparks kicked off the stone wall next to her. "Oh, great... now what..." The grunting and the slobbering of the Tediz could be heard from the darkness below. Several red eyes lit up the area. "Eep.." Berri turned and went into a windsprint up the stairs. The guns went automatic and shots ricocheted from the steps where she once stood. ******** The portal disappeared with a flash. The bolt slid down with a clank on the steel door and it slowly swung open. Rodent stuck his head out. He looked back at the other people. "Guys! The way is clear..." "We'll go when we wake up...zz.." Rodent sighed. He made his way out of the room and ran off into the darkness ahead of him. He tripped on the first step of stairs. "Yaaahh!!" He threw his hands in front of him to break his fall, but they, as you might think they would in a life-or-death situation like this, landed on top of this glasses, busting the lens. "Ooohhh.... great... what was that? Aaah, where's my glasses? Somebody? Nobody move, I lost my lens... " Rodent jabbed his hand into the fractured glass on the ground. "I... so... OOOOOWWWW!! Frick frick frick..." Rodent began sucking trace blood from his hand. It was just a minor cut, but it was enough to make Rodent yell.. and blow his cover. From several steps up, one of the Tediz turned and began descending. Rodent froze. "W...who is it?" He ducked inside the vault, took a bottle of vodka off of the storage shelf, and busted it against the door. He held the fragmented bottle in front of him, jabbing randomly. After about 10 tries, he began to get frustrated. "Aw, forget it! I'm helpless like this!" Rodent cried. Furious, he whipped the jagged bottletop in front of him. A shrill cry pierced his ears. The Tedi hit the ground with a thud, a point on the jagged bottletop embedded in its eye. "Oh, man.. who was that? Somebody? Anybody? If that was you, Conker... urrggghhhh!!! This isn't funny, people!!" ******** "Oh, yes... th *fizzz* is is spect *crackle* actular... you will all su *zzzt* ffer!!" "Alright! J2! I vant answers, now!" The probe turned to see an angry Pringle standing in the door in his housecoat. "You are NOT a recorded voice! I know thees for a FACT! I want answers!" "Ooohh... glad to see you've got *zorch* a hold on schematics, 'Pringle'! This is a int *zzt* ercepted transmis *eeee* sion! I have command over the J2, and that way it wil *eeeeeee* l stay! Ultimanium w *fizz* ill know TRUE power.. and he will be de *zorch* stroyed by it, by my hand!" Pringle looked about him, expecting some intervention. "Ultimanium! Vhoever you are, show yourself!" "Ultimanium will not sav *zzzt* e you... Ultimanium is no *crackle* thing to me!" The J2 shook for a second. "You and your king *ffzz* dom will not last, either! Now that th *oooo* e Tediz are loose in the center of the kingdom once ag *fizzz* ain, nothing will be left standing! The Chosen will NOT get in my way!" Pringle backed away. "The Chosen? Vhat is the Chosen?" "The single warrior of this dimension that supposedly is destined to interfere in my plans! Not that the fact alone will save him... soon, the Tediz will have this country swarmed... and Conker... he is going to regret coming against me..." The transmission was beginning to clear up. It was clear to Pringle, that, whoever was talking, he was coming closer. ******** "Alright, men, form up!" Sergeant Epson barked. The 56th, 57th and 58th brigades lined up on the parade square in a flurry of motion. "ATTENTION!!" With one unisoned bang, the feet of the troops hit the concrete ground and the soldiers were all set. Conker stood alongside Epson, set in his Neo Conker outfit. On his sides he struggled to hold up a pair of chainguns. "urrghh... how much longer do we have to stand around? We need to get to the palace!" "Shut up, Corporal," Epson growled. "you'll never get to Sergeant if you can't hold up tiny guns like those." "I wouldn't mind some tinier ones." Conker winced. His hands were getting sore from grasping the handles of the large-bore guns and he would've rather had his agile Uzis back in a heartbeat if he could help it. "Forget it. Alright, troops! Listen up! Readings from outside the camp reveal a sort of portal developing outside of our camp. Our scientists have identified it as a temporary vorte... temperal.. vortical... aw, fuck that shit! All you need to know is that you need to get through it! We have taken note that it leads straight to the King's Palace and we have to clean the place out! Hop to it, men!" The entire group let loose various war cries and scattered to grab their weapons. Soldiers ran off in different directions and returned with varying arsenals with weapons. Different teams reorganized themselves wielding assault rifles, bazookas, sniper rifles, ... hey, you name it. Conker glanced at Epson nervously. "Isn't this a bit much for hall fighting?" "Son, you can never have enough weapons. Get that through your head." "Sorry, sir." Conker hopped off the platform and attempted to drag the dual autocannons with him. "urrghh... ghh.... aw, forget it!" He tossed the guns to the ground. "I'll just go Corporal for a while." Conker reached into his trenchcoat and unsheathed the Uzis he had grown to love. He started off toward the ominous blue light off in the distance. ******** A dark man watched from over a hill. He smiled to himself. The plan was working perfectly. Conker was exactly where he was needed. He brought his hands to his temples. "J2. Close the portal." Conker had just stepped into the aura off in the distance, and it closed behind him. "Excellent," the strange figure laughed. "Go, my Tediz." ******** Berri rounded another corner. She sprinted to the end of the hall and stopped when she saw a massive blue flash from around the corner, followed by a deepening rumble. Berri quickly dodged into a storage room in time to miss the charging triple-prong attack of the liberating brigades. She turned and walked out of the room and tripped, falling on her face. "Damn it, ow!" Conker rubbed his head. "Who's foot was that?" Berri sprung up and darted down the hall after the mobile minor army. Conker hopped to his feet. "Who is that...? Man, whoever she is, she's hot! She almost looked like Berri there for a second... well, better keep going." He started into a windsprint down the vacant hall. Gunshots rang out around the corner, echoing throughout the empty corridor. Conker looked around him. "Where'd that come from? There's no way to tell in halls like these...! I gotta choose some way, anyways..." He turned around to find a Tedi right against him. Conker quickly threw his hand up and held the bayonet that was targeted at his throat, and used his other hand to grab his uzi and pump several rounds into the target. The Tedi hit the ground hard. Conker stepped away from the mess of yellow blood that was accumulating at his feet, and clenched his left hand tightly to stop the bleeding via the cut from the bayonet. "Whatever, I have to find where I'm going, and quick!" "Everybody! Over here!!" A private shouted. 8 squirrels ran to his position. Another loud sustained autofire commenced. A soldier backed around the corner, assault rifles firing in each hand. "Corporal! We're not sure if we can hold them here!" "Fall back, everybody!" Conker shouted. "We need to get to higher ground! All brigades report to the second floor mezzaine! We'll use the terrain there and establish a beachhead!" The private saluted, as did others in the background. They all turned and hightailed it to the stairs at the end of the hall. Conker ran off after them. He grinned. "This is coool." ******** The dark figure sat down on the grass ahead of him. "This is perfect... just perfect.." The J2 in Pringle's lab beeped loudly. "Artificial dimensional analomy detected. Coordinates 3522553657X 883575878375Y 2850385608Z." The dark man hopped up. "What the... no one can do that... I have the J2..!" ******** Ultimanium stepped around the corner and unloaded with his railgun. A 120mm lead slug ripped through the air with a blue-white smoke trail, decapitating 6 Tediz at once. He sheathed the enormous cannon on his back and took a pair of pulse cannons from a slot in the arms of his battle armor. A squirrel soldier ran by. "Excuse me," Ultimanium asked. "Do you know where I can find Corporal Conker?" The trooper shrugged. "How should I know. He ordered us all to report to the second floor mezzaine, so you might be able to find him there." "Thank you." Ultimanium turned around and fired a blue laser burst at a Tedi, causing it to explode upon impact. ******** Rodent slipped in a pair of backup contact lenses. He blinked and squinted for a couple of seconds before finally getting his vision straight. "Damn it, I HATE these... It's the best I'll have for a while, though..." He reached over and snatched a bazooka off of the wall rack and stepped outside. Another brigade charged by, with Tediz in hot pursuit. "DIE MUTHAFUCKAS!!" Rodent squealed, totally out of character. He swung the rocket launcher in front of him and fired an RPG into the crowd of Tediz ahead of him, sending limbs flying. Conker ran out of a side hall. "Rodent! Second level mezzaine!" "C-Conker? Where were you?! We were worried sick!!" Conker jumped to a skid-halt. "Shut up before I waste you." "Oh, yes? Conker? Some woman stopped by here and said she was looking for you. She was rambling on about not letting the Tediz take you away." Conker shifted an eyebrow. "O....kay... forget about it, we need to get to the next floor, now!" "With you all the way!" Rodent and Conker were ready to depart when a man stepped in front of them. "Stop." They both looked up at the behemoth, encasing in gleaming white armor. "...uh oh." Rodent sighed. "Corporal Conker, I need to speak to you right away. Can we go somewhere?" the man mumbled. "Second floor mezzaine," Conker said. "I can't stress it enough." "It's about the Tediz. I know of their plan and I know how to stop them." Conker folded his arms. "Go on." "You may not know me. My name is Ultimanium. The Tediz you are fighting are accessing the castle using a device of mine, a dimensionsplitter called the J2. The Tediz are coming into the palace through a temporal gate in the basement, one created by the J2. If we can get to the J2 in time, we'll be able to shut down the portal and stop the Tediz." Rodent nodded madly. "That was the portal I saw in the bomb shelter...!" "A man named Pringle has the J2. He is using his old researching room in this castle to store the J2." "Pringle's still alive?!" Conker exclaimed. "Yes. There's no time to explain. Do you know where his room is in this castle?" The weasel guards came up behind Conker. "Yuh, his room was in the east wing tower." Encarta hummed. "Then that's where we need to go," Ultimanium said. "Conker, I need you to get one of your brigades to get to the tower and destroy the J2. Keyvan : Wait a minute, wouldn't you not be able to get back then? "Correct. But how did I get here? I used a new probe that I recently constructed. The J3." "How did you lose control of the J2?" Conker asked. "Didn't you travel here with it?" "That's what's bothering me, Conker. I had perfect control over it. Though, somehow, my telepathic control of the J2 was jarred somehow and a stronger force took over and redirected the J2's trajectory, while I did not know. So the J2 took off in a different direction and I continued on, effectively slingshotting me into this dimension." "Like... uh... whut kind of force?" Diablo said. "I don't know. Whatever it is, it now has full control over the J2, and there's no stopping it. We'll have to destroy the probe ourselves." Conker lifted up a walkie-talkie. "57th brigade, storm the east wing tower. Raze any departments you find." "We're set then," Ultimanium announced. "Me and Conker will go ahead of the brigade and clear out the tower. Understood?" Ultimanium and Conker turned and headed back toward the stairs, and went beyond the second floor and started up the spiral access stair that led to the tower access for the east wing. Ultimanium was little prepared for what he would find. END OF CHAPTER 4 Davis : Welcome back to WECUP 590, Odiaba's Best Rock. I'm Davis Motomiya, and I'll be taking over your radio station here for the next little while to play MY music, MY way. *Heavy electric guitar riff in the background* Davis : Now, you might be asking what happened to Keyvan. Well, some of his script content didn't quite agree with the UN's charter of rights and freedoms, and his use of nerve gas in the filming of Deus ex Conker has.. well.. got some people nerved. Veemon : Welcome to Veemon's Corner! All the news that's fit to print... from the Digimon's minority perspective! Editorial action up the wazoo and then some! Davis : (Shakes the script in front of him) We have some editing to do. It seems we have a problem with the storyline. *Phone rings* Veemon : I'll get that! (picks up phone) Welcome to Veemon's Corner! Post a message after the beep. *beep* ... oh... is that right...yeah, I think Keyvan would be pressed to know.. thanx! Bye. (hangs up phone) Davis : (yelling) Hey, Keyvan! *Keyvan falls out of an air vent* Keyvan : (brushes himself off) Sorry. Had a little run-in with the Secret Service. Damn UN. Veemon : Yo, Keyvan! Someone phoned named Nekonezume. It appears someone's found a little typo in your story... tell me, would the Windy military really be stupid enough to put people underneath asbestos blankets? To breathe deadly fumes radiating off them? Keyvan : (shrugs) Well, that's the military for you. No respect for peoples' lives at all. Yeah. Yeah... *Davis and Veemon glare at Keyvan* Keyvan : (sighs) It was a freaking typo. Get over it. (A/N - Special thanks to Nekonezume for pointing that out. I got the idea that the blankets at the Air Cadet camp I went to were made from asbestos... c'mon, give me a break! Fricking things kept me up all night scratching! And, no matter how hard I tried, they wouldn't burn...) Keyvan : Before various other bodies corporate come to assassinate me, from the last chapter, I do not own Batman, Memorex or Epson (though I do have an Epson color printer that prints hella fast). Okie dokie, let's get on with it. Where we last left off, the castle had finally come under siege by the rampaging Tediz, and Conker had met up with Ultimanium. Both were heading into Pringle's domain to try to find the J2 and destroy it. That way the portal in the bomb shelter would close and the Tediz could no longer access the center of the kingdom. Conker was running as fast as he could up the spiral staircase, but somehow, he just couldn't catch up with Ultimanium. "Hey! Ulty-dude! Wait up!" Ultimanium had decided to take the easy way. He hovered straight up through the bored-out center section of the staircase to the top of the tower. He remained at a constant speed so Conker could keep up. "We're getting close. I can feel the eminations." "Anything else up there?" A stinging sensation hit Ultimanium hard. "S-something, yes. What is it.. its power level is enormous..." Ultimanium hovered up to the entrance to Pringle's room. Conker rose up the stairs next to him. "I suppose that's it, that red-chromy thing. Are we set?" Conker asked. "No." Ultimanium said, with an expression of fear. "Glad you could make it." Ultramagnus laughed. Conker looked over to the grief-stricken Ultimanium. "What's up, do you know this guy?" "Ultramagnus... you're.. y ... you're dead." Ultramagnus let loose a villanous laugh. "Fucking moron! What made you think you could destroy me, SSJ4 Ultramagnus so easily? Shattered Reality... no equilibrium will bring me down! Your mind-shattering attack only worked to destroy the fabric of reality around me, Ultimanium...I was simply sent into another dimension... this one. That was the degree of your assault. It will take more than your little energy shocks to destroy a god like me." ----Somewhere in time... in the Ultimatum, the scoreboard changed abruptly.---- *** The Enforcers *** Ultramagnus 85000 HP - 8000 MP Ultimanium 50000 HP - 5000 MP "This.. is.. impossible..." Ultimanium stuttered. "Believe it," Ultramagnus said. "I'm immortal. There's no reason for you to be around.. no, wait! Then I wouldn't have this lovely toy to play with... the J2, I reckon? I shall have an excellent time invading a nice dimension and taking it for my own!!" Conker backed away. "Why do I NOT like the sound of this..." "But I see that this dimension is not inhabitable for a deity like me. Farewell, Ultimanium. I shall spare you and your single Chosen for the time being. But know that I, Ultramagnus, will win in the end. Gather what forces you please... I will wait in my domain for the time to come... then we will see who's the bigger man..." Conker looked through to Ultramagnus as the colors of his vision inverted. He blinked. Everything was back to normal. Ultramagnus was gone. The J2 was gone. Pringle hovered up. "By the gods! Conker! You, over there! I must thank you dearly for saving me from that... that.... fat person!" Conker looked around. "Well.. the J2's gone. I think we solved our problem. C'mon, Ulty... Ulty?" Ultimanium was still standing, in shock. Conker slapped Ultimanium on the back. "C'mon, man! Get a hold of it! The J2's gone! We're saved!" Ultimanium broke down. "Conker... we're not saved. We're doomed." Conker hopped back. "W..whaddya mean? We're doomed?" Ultimanium dropped his head. "Ultramagnus, the ultimate power of darkness, has control over the J2. Undoubtedly, he will use that power to invade an alternate universe. I... there will be so many lives taken down by his hand now... he is unstoppable in that state." "Aw, c'mon!" Conker cried. "If it makes you feel any better, I'll help you go after him!" Ultimanium looked up at Conker. "T-thank you. You truly wish to accompany me in the crusade against Ultramagnus?" Conker shrugged. "I guess." Ultimanium smiled. "You truly are the Chosen I have come here for." Conker frowned. "Chosen?" "The Chosen... warriors from the dimensions coming together to defeat the evil that awaits the world in the Dark Dimension... it was a prophecy made in a dream of mine... these warriors I banded together. Fearing some sort of invasion from this 'Dark Dimension', I held a fighting tournament in New York in a neighboring dimension from this one.. I would try to find the warrior that lasted out the longest.. the Chosen from that dimension. But since so many lived... it was clear that I had an army of Chosens at my disposal. You are of that group, Conker..." (A/N - If you haven't figured it out yet, Ultimanium attempted to band the Chosen together in our dimension through hosting The Ultimatum (that's why you were SUPPOSED TO READ IT FIRST!!) and choosing which Chosen to take from there. Back to our story.) A message crackled through Conker's walkie-talkie. "Corporal! You wouldn't believe what just happened!!" Conker held down the transmit button. "What is it?" "The Tediz.. we were down here holding them off... and... they just disappeared! Into thin air! Poof!" Conker looked back up to Ultimanium. "Did you..." "They'll be patrolling the steppes for a while longer," Ultimanium said. "So, Conker. I would like an answer. Would you like to join my group? I know I can't make you.. I mean, there's so many things in this world that you value." "What the hell are you talking about?" Conker sighed. "I've lost everything that means anything to me... all these morons downstairs worship me... I wouldn't just mind going home... drinking when I feel... and B... Be... BERRI?!?" Berri turned around in the door. "Like, how did I get up here?" Ultimanium grinned. "Go ahead, say it." "B...BERRI!! BERRI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU WERE... THEY... IT... THOSE... BERRI!!" Gregg appeared in a burst of smoke next to Ultimanium. "You'd better be happy you have friends in high places, you stupid little shit. This is a case of bribery, I'm sure of it. I said people like you'd pay out of your arse for a chance like this, bloody hell!" Conker rolled his eyes and handed Gregg a wad of bills. Gregg flipped through his newly acquired fortune. "That's a good squirrel. Maybe I might show a little more remorse for your squirrel friends down in my domain. I mean, with all these fricking cats dying all of a sudden... urrghh.. damned cats... I'm going to go down there right now and carve a couple of their fucking heads off, that's what I'm going to do now! Damn cats, you as better bloody hell run!!" He disappeared in another cloud of smoke. Conker looked around. "...now... where were we?... oh, yeah. BERRI!!" His eyes began to water. He ran to Berri and they both joined in a passionate kiss. Davis : (Wipes his eyes) Damn man, I just love happy endings. Ultimanium crossed his arms. "You going to make a decision, Conker?" Conker turned back to Ultimanium. "As long as she comes." Rodent stuck his head in through the door. "Can I come too? Pleeeeeeeeeease?!" Ultimanium rose his arms up. "Conker, Berri and Rodent can come. I need all the help I can get." Rodent threw his arms in the air in victory. "Yeeeeeeeah!!" Conker looked back at Diablo and Encarta, who had just shown up. "... hey, guys?" "Whut?" Both guards responded in unison. "While I'm gone... could you possible instate a democracy? Monarchy sucks." "We'll see," Encarta said. "Diablo.. what's democracy?" Diablo shrugged. "We'll figure it out." Ultimanium looked around at the group. "Conker, Berri, Rodent... are you absolutely sure you want to come?" "HELL YEAH!!" The entire group yelled. Ultimanium pointed to the sky. "J3. Open portal!" A green rift opened in the very air ahead of the group. Ultimanium, Conker, Berri, and Rodent all leapt through the portal as it closed behind them. After a long pause, Pringle's jaw remained dropped. "...Gadzooks." ******** Ultimanium again had his feet propped up on his desk. He looked again at the terminal in the wall with the 6 monitors. Different events were playing on all 6. However, the third one was clouded with static. Conker walked by and waved. "Hey, Ulty. This is some place you have here." "Nah, it's not that great." Ultimanium sighed. "It's pretty cool for me. For someone who's used to a Disneyland enviroment." "You got me there." Ultimanium laughed. As Conker swiftly departed. Ultimanium returned his gaze to the wall ahead of him. The third monitor. Ultramagnus had clearly seized control of the third dimension. While the majority of his Chosen were from the fourth dimension and it didn't affect them terribly, if Ultramagnus ever chose to expand his ruling and took his acquired forces from the third dimension with him, the universe as Ultimanium knew it would surely fall before him. He had to put his plans on hold for the time being. Ultramagnus had to be stopped. Ultimanium's next stop was the fifth dimension. In this dimension, the dimension both Ultimanium and Ultramagnus hailed from, a small island chain existed. On this island chain three more Chosen waited for Ultimanium's intervention. And after he got those people, his army would be complete. Then he could rally the forces from the Ultimatum to help him. Ultimanium drummed his fingers on the desk. Could Ultramagnus be stopped? He would have to wait and see... wait and see. Conker and his group surely had potential... they would help greatly during the battle against the megalomanic super saiyan. Ultimanium looked onward. He could only hope.. ******** "No, no! You don't understand!" Sergeant Epson shouted. "King Conker was not KIA! He was not in the battle in the King's Castle... that's all you need to know. He is simply on an extendend vacation, and that's that." Another reporter shoved a microphone in Epson's face. "Your thoughts on the Majesty?" "Oh... he's a great guy. It would be bad if he were to be killed so fast. That's all the comments I have for now." Epson hopped off the stage and strutted towards the nearest barracks, with a plague of newscasters following him. He quickly flung himself inside the double doors and barred them shut with a nearby plank of wood. "Any luck?" Epson sighed to a soldier. "No, sir," the cadet said. "We haven't been able to locate King Conker, or General Rodent since the battle." ******** *The phone slams down onto the payphone receiver. A figure in a black trenchcoat steps out. The camera pans around him, Conker. A person walks out of the nearby Cock and Plucker and attempts to ask him something. Conker throws his hand in front of his face.* "Are you..." Conker rolled his eyes. "It's only deus ex. Get out of here. Everything you've heard about me is only a conspiracy." *The person shrugs and walks away. Conker can feel the power course through him, courtesy of Ultimanium. With a flick of his wrist, Conker tears open a dimensional gate in front of him and returns to Ultimanium's hideout.* Conker flexed his hands, now inside the compound of Ultimanium. "I'm gonna loooove this." So, what really happened to Conker? If you hadn't noticed yet, I tried to aim this story more at getting Conker on Ultimanium's side for the final battle to happen between Ultimanium and Ultramagnus some point along the Ultimatum Saga than write a true Conker standalone, but some elements found their way in there. So, what will really happen to Conker as an agent of Ultimanium? To find out, you'll have to wait until the full-blown sequel to the Ultimatum : Ultimatum 2 - The Argetlahm Adventures! What is it about? You'd be surprised... anyways, it will hold the the adventures of the Ultimatum crew, Conker's party, and another certain group... who? As the Argetlahm Adventures will be the fourth and last episode in the Ultimatum Saga, the third entry will be none other than... Davis : (wearing a tuxedo. He tears open an envelope) .... SOME RANDOM GUYS FROM CHRONO CROSS!! Veemon : (wearing a party hat and blowing a noisemaker) Yaaaahooooo!! The next story - Chronocepter. Watch for it. If you're reading this late enough, I want you to scroll back to the top of this page, type Chronocepter into the search box (check Title, remember) and continue reading on in the Ultimatum Saga. I poured a lot of sweat and tears into this, and I wanna make sure it goes out with a bang! To that extent, I WANT REVIEWS! TELL ME WHAT YOU WANNA SEE, AND IT'LL HAPPEN! Thanx, and good luck! Sincerely, Keyvan Chandonnet (Ultimanium) ..... Davis : These people want MORE information? Veemon : No prob, there's a promo for Chronoceptor on the back of this. *Davis and Veemon turn the script's pages* END OF CHAPTER 5 Preview of Chronoceptor I tossed another loose rock across the relatively calm water. It was generally a bad time to try to skip rocks across bare ocean, but then again, it was generally ALWAYS a bad time to try to skip rocks on ocean. While living alongside an ocean has its perks, one of them is NOT being able to skip rocks. I kinda wish sometimes that these waters would calm down to the point once in a while that I could virtually walk across it. That would give me some killer skips. But, alas, Mother Ocean does not change her ways for a young man like me. We polluted her... we robbed her of her pearls.. we desecrated the life that once flourished in her.. maybe she stirs herself up once in a while to piss us off. Not that I can blame her. Once, the residents of Arni, including me, went on a massive fishing splurge in early July. I can't say that helped much. Sometimes, I'll look upon the stars and recollect what fate they represent. ... fate? Fate is nothing more than a force created by our masters to make us double check our decisions. It bars imagination, courage, anything that stands for the freedom and control of our own lives. Fate can be denied, even if not totally defied. Some people need to know things like that. I sometimes walk down along Opassa Beach.. like tonight. I sometimes look down upon the sand when I walk... hoping the little green rift would sprout through the sand again and take me on some far-flung adventure. A dimensional distortion, they called it. It was my excitement, my pride, my curiosity that brought me to it and sent me on the crusade against fate. Sometime, I'll take the handle of the Mastermune high once again, return and fight for other peoples' defiance of fate. It is then that they will realize the salvation of not having to be held back by their limits. Someday, we will all return.. and the Chrono Cross will have meaning to all of us. The power to cross up the dreams of the dimensions and unite them in one song of love... that would work too. Aw, but, hey, for the time being, I think I'll go for a swim. The entire 'save the galaxy' mentality can wait. Mother Ocean's cleansing waters wait for someone to leap from 50 feet and do a cannonball into them. But when the time comes, I'll be ready... For I am Serge - A Man of Arni! END OF CHAPTER 6