Ace Sanchez (unfortunately) presents:

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                             Pervert 1/2

                  An Alternate Universe Fanfiction 
                based on Rumiko Takahashi's Ranma 1/2
                 WARNING: Not to be taken seriously!
				 
                *************************************

Episode 1: Here's Comes Trouble!


A curious rumbling noise and vibration in the ground startled the people
of Nerima as they went about their shopping. Roof tiles were beginning to
shake loose and people began to scurry away, as whatever it was, was
evidently beginning to get closer. Panicked shop keepers quickly closed
their doors and replaced their 'open' signs with 'closed' ones.

However the most curious of the people stayed to see what was going to
happen. Whatever was causing the earth to move was very near now.
Suddenly a huge black bag that seemed to have legs and looked to be a
couple of dozen feet across, bounded past in long leaps. The sound of
muffled laughter came from the bottom of it. "HEE HEE HEE!" 

When they looked more closely at the bag jumping rapidly away they
realised that it was a person that was carrying the immense thing. It
looked to be a teenage boy with black hair, tied in pigtail at the back
of his head.

Something seemed to flutter out of the bag and flapped around in the wake
of the boy's flight. It finally came to settle down at a man's feet. The
man picked it up. "Panties?"

But the cause of the earthquake was not the boy. It had not arrived yet,
but was so close now, bits of houses and buildings began to crack and
fall down in the coming vibrations.

A tall, attractive looking lady dressed in a blue kimono and carrying a
long narrow bundle ran past. "Ranma! You must run faster!" the woman
called out encouragingly.

She was not the cause of the earthquake either. What was it? people
wondered and stepped onto the road to get a better look. What they saw
shocked them.

Hundreds upon hundreds of furious looking girls ran towards them, waving
various weapons like brooms and mallets in the air. Anyone caught in
their wake were quickly trampled and even seemed to assimilate more girls
into the mob. As one they were screaming, "GET THE PERVERT!"

The man holding the panty dropped by the strange boy quickly hid it
behind his back. Nerima was in for some interesting times indeed, he
thought, if the boy stuck around for long.


=))


"Bringing Ranma from China. Saotome Nodoka," Soun Tendo read out from the
postcard with a drawing of a katana on it.

"Ranma is finally coming here, oh, how I've waited for this day!"


=))


"You engaged us to some guy you never even met?" Akane said, appalled.
"H-He could be some kind of pervert for all we know!"

Soun looked a bit flustered. "That depends on your definition of pervert.
His mother, Nodoka, oversaw his training for ten long years. I'm sure she
raised him up just right. If it were his father, Genma, than we would
have cause for worry. But anything to come from his mother would be a
good influence!"

Nabiki looked suspicious. "Ten years with only his mother? He could be a
sissy-mother's boy then!"

"No, no, like I said, that would only have happened with Genma. But I
trained with his mother, Nodoka, in my early days, and trust me," he
laughed, gaining a bit more confidence, "she is not the typical woman!"

Kasumi frowned at that. Women were meant to be typical.

"But if you so wanted to join your family lines, then why didn't *you*
marry this Nodoka then?" Akane asked.

"That's true, why didn't I?" Soun crinkled his forehead. "No, I remember,
she was already spoken for back then. She was in love with that sissy
bishounen, Genma Yagami." Then he winked. "And then Kimiko came along ...
ROWR!"

Nabiki coughed. "Daddy, please."

On the front door, someone knocked.

"That could be them!" Soun exclaimed excitedly. "Finally the Saotome and
Tendo lines will be joined!"

I'll get it!" Nabiki shouted. She ran off. A few seconds later she came
back. With someone attached to her back. And fondling her chest. It was a
black-haired, pigtailed boy.

Nabiki looked more than a little surprised as she stared dumbly at her
family as if she didn't believe what was happening. Meanwhile, the boy 
brazenly felt at her chest at an obscene speed. Then he looked up and 
smiled as he spotted the open-mouthed Akane and Kasumi. He jumped off 
Nabiki's back and also annointed them with their first dose of rapid-fire 
fondling, hands touching everywhere.

All three girls toppled over in a complete faint.

The pigtailed boy looked disappointed at his unconscious victims. He
looked up at Soun. "I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry about this."

Soun walked up and slapped him on the back. "I can see Nodoka trained you
well!"

A tall woman in a kimono walked in. "I did indeed," she said solemnly.


=))


Akane was the first one to come to her senses. Nabiki and Kasumi still
looked a little shocked and hadn't come down to earth yet. They were
rubbing their chests and making little blubbing noises.

"Dad! How could you? You did engage us to a pervert!" she said as she
looked venomously at 'Ranma.' The sicko was looking hungrily at Nabiki
and Kasumi as they blindly rubbed their abused chests. "Why, look at
him!" He was almost *too* cute with dark-blue eyes and messy looking
hair, tied in a short pigtail at his neck. "He's probably not even a 
martial artist!"

Ranma looked up at her. Or her chest to be more specific, since his 
eyes didn't seem to go any higher. "I am so a martial artist! Care to 
challenge me?" he asked, a huge grin on his face. His hands curled and 
uncurled in suggestive motions.

Akane looked a bit uneasy at that. "Errrr ..." But then she got her
resolve up. She wanted revenge! "You got it!" Perverts were always
notoriously bad fighters in her experience.

Her father and the new woman who could only be Ranma's mother looked
pleased. "Yes!" they agreed. "Since this is to be the coming together of
the Tendos and the Saotomes, it is only right that we test the skills of
the two halves of Anything Goes Martial Arts."

As Akane walked off to the dojo, with Ranma trailing behind her and
staring at her butt with a hand outstretched, Nodoka gave a secret smile
to herself. 

Soun just looked extremely pleased with how Ranma turned out. Oh this
marriage of the families was practically guaranteed if he simply locked
all the girls and Ranma in the house for a night!


=))


"Nipple cripple!" Ranma shouted as he performed the move.

Akane submitted. Nodoka clapped. "I taught him that move myself," she
said proudly.


=))


"Who are you?" Akane asked in alarm, backing away a bit in the tub, as a
girl wearing nothing but a towel walked into the bathroom. The girl
looked very familiar. Almost like that pervert, Ranma...

The girl smiled cutely. "Oh, I'm Ranma's sister! Tee hee!"

Akane looked closer. There was definitely a resemblance. Why, they even
wore their black hair in the same style. They could be twins. But why
hadn't her father mentioned anything like a sister?

The girl removed the towel revealing a curvaceous figure, and up-ended a
bucket of cold water over her head. "I'll just take a quick cold wash,"
she giggled.

Akane shrugged. She laid back and continued her bath. At least until
she noticed Ranma's sister looking at her closely as she washed herself.

"What are you looking at?" Akane had a nagging feeling that something was
severely wrong here. 

"Nothing!" Ranma's sister said sweetly. But the girl continued to stare
at Akane almost with a hungry look. It was most unsettling.


=))


"Who's that?" Nabiki asked.

"Oh? This is Ranma's sis-"

The cute looking girl with the pigtail walked over to the table and
poured the kettle over her head. Miraculously she seemed to grow ...

"-ter," Akane finished with her eyes and mouth wide open.

The newly male Ranma shrugged.

"Ranma, you should not have surprised them with your curse like that,"
his mother scolded him.

Akane choked. "You-you pervert!"

"I should certainly hope so!" Nodoka announced. "Isn't he manly?"

Ranma just shrugged again and began to stare at Kasumi with a grin on his
lips. Kasumi blushed.

"Ah, but what is this I just saw?" Soun asked curiously. "Was Ranma a
girl just now?"

"Yes, yes, all part of his training!" Nodoka explained. "I promised Genma
and myself I would make a manly man out of him! And part of being a manly
man is to be able to 'satisfy' the girls now, huh, Tendo?" She winked at
him and nudged him with her elbow. 

"Ah! I begin to see now!" Soun exclaimed with a big smile on his face.
"Genius, sheer genius!"

"What are you talking about?" Akane asked suspiciously.

Nabiki looked a little sick. "I don't think you'd want to know little
sister."

"But how is it that you have done this?" Soun continued in his
conversation with Ranma's mother.

"Have you heard the story of Jusenkyo?" she asked.

After Nodoka had explained about visiting the cursed springs to give
Ranma the ability to change genders with cold and hot water, Soun was
then happy to drop the bombshell on the three Tendo sisters.

He slapped Ranma on the back. "So choose which of my girls you wish to
marry," he said solemnly, waving his hands across his three daughters who
suddenly paled a none-too-healthy colour. "Kasumi, nineteen, Nabiki,
seventeen and Akane, sixteen."

Ranma's eyes lit up. The girls recoiled then all began to talk
simultaneously.

"Akane, he wants Akane," Nabiki immediately put in.

"Nabiki, most definitely," Kasumi said with a slight quiver in her voice.

"Kasumi, he wants Kasumi," Akane suggested hopefully.

Ranma rubbed his chin as he seemed to look thoughtfully at each one. Then
he snapped his fingers. "I want ..."

The girls leaned forward, dreading whose name he would say.

"I want ... all of them!"

The girls fell flat on their faces.

"Oh look at them," Nodoka said. "They're already a happy ... um ...
foursome!"


*** End Episode 1



Episode 2: School Is No Place For Perving Around!


A dawn of a new day. And the dawn of a new nightmare.

"But you can't do this!" Akane shouted at her father and Ranma's mother.
They all stood in the living room, with her, Nabiki and Ranma all about
to head off to school. Ranma held both their hands at their extreme
discomfort.

"Isn't this illegal?" Nabiki put in. "A man can't have three wives."

"All taken care of," Nodoka said cheerily. "Thanks to my influence with
the Japanese government, they assured me that they would allow to
overlook this for me, just this once."

"As of today, you are all Ranma's future brides!" Soun told them.

"And what if we refuse?" Akane said angrily.

Soun immediately grew menacing. "This is a matter of family honour and
vows. You would so dishonour the Tendo name?"

Akane immediately backed down. "No, of course not, Dad." But that
didn't mean she couldn't find some way out of this later.

Nabiki was thinking much the same thing. At least until her bottom was
pinched and she let out a shocked gasp. She looked accusingly at Ranma,
who just smiled lecherously at her.

"Very good, Ranma," Nodoka congratulated her son. "But aren't you
forgetting something?"

Akane squealed.

"Yes, there can be no favouritism between wives," Soun said sagely. "Oh,
Kasumi! I'd like you to come here for a moment!"

After another short squeal later, Ranma and two of his fiances headed off
to school.


=))


"Uh, Ranma?"

"Yes, Nabiki?"

"Don't you think we look a little weird?"

"How so?"

"You're holding mine and Akane's hands ..."

"We're fiances, right?"

"But also rubbing our bottoms now and again ..."

"We're fiances, right?

"And you're a girl at the moment."

"That's that old lady's fault, not mine, is it now?"

"People are staring ..."

"So you want to rub my bottom too?"

"No!"

"It feels good. Want to try it?"

"I don't think so." 

A pause. 

"Hey, stop that!"

"Feels good, don't it? All nice and firm and warm ..."

Choking noises.

"Akane, wanna try?"

Silence.

"I don't think she's conscious. Sleep walking kind of ..."

A pause and some shuffling.

"You're right ... too bad. Maybe I shouldn't have poked her there."

More choking noises.

"Hey, at least she's smiling ..."


=))


"Akane, we love you!" It was more like a battle cry than any sort of
heartfelt declaration.

"I think we should be getting out of the way," Nabiki suggested, pointing
at the herd of deranged boys stampeding towards them from out of the
school.

"Ah, men of my own tastes," Ranma said, squeezing her own breast for
emphasis. "But I can't allow them to have at *my* fiance."

Nabiki smirked at the zombie-like Akane with a smile on her face. "Well
if you hadn't poked her *there* she'd still be in shape to fight them
off. This happens every morning."

"Every morning? Well it's time I stopped it." She removed a small glass
bottle of some sort from her backpack, uncorked it, upended the clear
liquid contents all over Akane's head, then thrust her directly into the
path of the onrushing boys. Akane stumbled a bit then seemed to look like
a deer in headlights in front of the boy stampede.

"What are you doing?" Nabiki shouted, shocked.

The boys were now almost right on top of her.

"Akane, we have you now!"

"Akane, go out with me!"

Then suddenly they were screaming and falling over each other as they
violently tried to run the other way after a sprint at full tilt. Most of
them all fell over and resembled a tidal wave of panicked, screaming
boys. They fell in a massive heap in front of Akane, then stumbled as 
they began to run off.

"Arghhh! What is that?"

"Get away from her!"

"Arghhh!"

"That's disgusting!"

A short while later, only a dust cloud suggested that the boys had ever
been there at all.

But then the sound of thunder and a flash of lightning replaced it.
From behind a tree, a tall boy in blue kendo garb and holding a wooden
sword uncurled himself.

"Ah, but if it isn't the beauteous, Akane Tendo. Smiling for my coming
indeed you must love me highly, I, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder - GOOD
GODS, WHAT IS THAT SMELL?" He ran off without even a final look back.

Another short while later Nabiki began to approach her sister. "What did 
you do to her?"

Ranma smiled. "I wouldn't Nabiki." She lifted up the bottle.

Nabiki read the label. "Essence of skunk and toilet scum?" She threw up
her breakfast on the school lawn.


=))


"And this is Ranma Saotome, recently come over from China. Please welcome
him." The teacher paused as he looked at Ranma. He straightened his
glasses. "I mean, please welcome *her* to Furinkan High."

Akane did a doubletake and turned around. No, he wouldn't try that trick
here would he?

"Tee hee!" the short, pretty pigtailed girl said with a voice sweet as
molasses. "I'm Ranma Saotome!" she said, waving her fingers at the girls
of the class.

"That's a lie!" Akane shouted. Immediately she grabbed a thermos (don't
ask me where she got it) and began to try and splash Ranma with it.
Unfortunately, the pigtailed girl dodged them quite easily.

"Akane Tendo!" the teacher said. "That was a mean thing to do! And now
you have gotten the classroom floor all wet. Stand in the hall!" The
teacher's nose twitched. "Besides, you stink!"

Ranma shrugged. "Sorry Akane, but I couldn't wash it all off."


=))


"What?" Kuno shouted. "You are affianced to this vermin? This vermin 
named Ranma Saotome? You and Akane both? And your eldest sister?"

"Quite so," Nabiki said. "You'll find him in Classroom 1F. Don't forget
your bokken!"


=))


"Ah, but is it not Akane Tendo, whose heart befell-"

"You're looking for Ranma, right?" She handed him a hot thermos. "Take
this."

"And what is this?"

"It's a hot thermos."

"I know that, Akane Tendo, but what need I of such a thing?"

"It will break the spell the sorceror Ranma has cursed on a poor
pigtailed girl you will find inside the classroom."

"Ah, Akane Tendo, as intelligent as she is beauteous. Thine eyes will-"

"Just get on with it already." Akane said, losing her patience.

Kuno was about to do just that when he turned back around and wrinkled
his nose. "Methinks you must be needing a bath."


=))


The classroom door suddenly exploded open and a blue figure shot through
like a bullet. It was only chance luck that Kuno happened to be shooting
in the direction of 'the pigtailed girl.'

"Pigtailed Girl! I must needs to be breaking the spell upon you with
this!" He thrust the hot water thermos at her.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on whose side you were on), the
hot water hit its target. Ranma immediately smashed through the classroom
window so as not to let the girls see that she was really a boy.

"I follow!" Kuno shouted. Not that he had any real choice in the matter
as Akane's powerful dropkick left no decisions to be made on his part.


=))


When Akane finally got to the scene of the battle, or where she hoped a
battle would be taking place, out in the field next to a tree, she
stopped short. Ranma the pervert and Tatewaki Kuno faced each other in a
showdown. But they hadn't started fighting yet.

"Go Kuno! Bash his head in!" Akane cheered.

"Ah, but if it isn't my very own cheering squad!" Kuno congratulated
himself. "Now fiend! Prepare to taste cold wood!" He brandished his
bokken out in front of him.

Ranma looked unperturbed. "You know, you look pretty cute for a guy."

Kuno was taken aback. "Ah, but what is this? Could this fiend be in
actual fact, a *queer* fiend?"

The pigtailed boy rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "No, I *definitely* don't
run in that direction. But it's still got me curious what you would look
like ... if I did this!" He suddenly thrust what looked like a small
plastic packet at Kuno's head. It exploded all over the bokken-wielding
boy's face in a shower of liquid.

Akane stared. Ranma smiled.

"Water?" the now beautiful, slim and curvy girl wiped her pretty face.
"Do you honestly expect that liquid such as this would defeat the Blue
Thunder of, GOOD GODS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Ranma had grabbed the now-female Kuno and had begun feeling her all over.
"Ah, Kuno-baby, you are so beautiful," he said lustfully. "The most
beautiful girl I have seen in Nerima yet!" He began passionately kissing
her. Female Kuno stiffened in Ranma's arms, shocked beyond belief.

Akane desperately tried to keep her breakfast down as she watched them.
"What the heck have you done to him?" she said, horrified.

Ranma paused for a second from kissing Kuno to look at her. "Well, my mom
did tell you about Nyannichuan right?" Then he went back to kissing her
and feeling Kuno's splendid set.


*** End Episode 2.

Next Episode! Ranma does more perverted crap! Tune in next time to ...
Pervert 1/2! (But only if you're a complete masochist).

Author's Notes:

I wrote the beginnings of this some time ago then got bored with it.
Recently after reading through it (I was bored ^_^;;), it began to amuse
me again so I thought I'd write a bit more of it and see how it came
out.

As for continuation of this fic, it's a solid "maybe". I've got way too 
many other fics to write right now. I only sent this off to RAAC because
it's been eons since I sent anything here (and not just on mailing 
lists) and I figure the general public might want to read it too ... =P

Send C&C, flames, laughter to,

Ace Sanchez
Email: jsa@fl.net.au
WWW: http://jsa.users.fl.net.au