BURNT TOAST By Ultimanium (Ultimanium turns around in a swivel chair) Ultimanium - (Shrugs) Ah, hell, I've had enough of writing the damn Argetlahm Adventures for the time being... yes, you should read that too after! If it encourages you any, Digimon cast star in it! I NEED SOME DAMN COVERAGE, HERE!!.... (coughs) sorry. Anyways, I'd just think I'd try my hand at something other than a stupidly aligned crossover. Here is the result. Oh, and if you actually did read any of the Ultimatum Saga, of which Argetlahm Adventures is a part of, this has nothing to do with it. Thank you, and enjoy the show. DISCLAIMER - I don't own Digimon. Neither does Fox Kids. Neither does Toei. They probably belong to some evil mysterious corporation bent on taking over the world, for all we know. But that's another story. Davis' opinion on gays is his own, not mine, okay? I have nothing against same-sex relationships, I just hate yaoi! So there! Flames are greatly appreciated. Thank you. Davis lied on his cot, humming to himself. "Shaddup!!" A deep, husky voice bellowed. Davis shot up off his cot and rattled the barred gate in front of him as hard as he could. "Yeeeeeah, come over here and make me!!" He winced as the bars slid open and a guard stepped in, clubbing Davis over the head with a nightstick in a single graceful motion. As Davis slumped to the ground, his consequences rose to his head once again. Hell, who am I kidding, I wouldn't be here if none of this happened. Slowly he climbed to his feet, bracing his skull, and limped over to a small desk at the corner of the cell. It was time he told the truth. He flopped down into the hard metal chair placed by the desk and shimmied up to the desk surface, pencil in hand. Slowly but surely, he began writing. As one hand guided the pencil, he reached into an open drawer with his other one and took out an envelope. On the front was written, in tiny lettering in the top left corner, BREAK ME OUT ALREADY! . It was enough to let any normal citizen know that something was going on at the prison, but none of the fat idiots at the mail station in the prison could read anything that small. He'd tried different lettering on multiple occaisions, so he knew what would make the prison personnel's heads explode in confusion. "Dear Jun," Davis spoke out. "First and foremost, I'd like you to talk to mom and dad for me and tell them everything is alright. As soon as you have that done, I want you to come back and finish reading this letter. I trust you can do this quickly." He left a sizeable blank after that sentence. "Okay. Now that my parents are calm, you can explain to them exactly how I got into this mess. I recall all they saw was the police car driving away from the house, but they might need to know there was a lot more that happened than they believed. I just want to get this off my chest. Okay, then... "It all started when I was returning home late at night with some friends... it was around 2 in the morning..." **flashback** Demiveemon bounded up nearly 6 feet into the air, throwing various punches and kicks loose into thin air. "Yeeeah!! I gave him a right! And a left! I can't believe you shaw any of that, Davish!" Yes, me and Demiveemon. Runs through the Digiworld lasted longer than they ever have, at least as I remember. I started getting home at 8:00... 10:00... it kept getting worse... and worse... urrggghhh!! I want to get to sleep!! I glared at Demiveemon. "I saw it. I can't say beating down Patamon improved your chances with Gato any." I stopped and stared up at my apartment, looming over us. With no other interruptions, me and Demiveemon made it into the apartment and we made our way down the hall, me finally happy to get home and get some damn rest. I was stopped with a whiplash when I turned a corner and got to the elevator. What had to be a 50-person queue was lined up in front of the elevator. Stress-o-meter reads 1. "What's going on here?" I muttered under my breath. A fat tenant turned to me. "Aw, man, it seems like the elevator's busted. They say some of the control wires were chewed up pretty badly and the elevator won't be able to lift for a while. Normally, I would take the stairs, but being the fat lazy bastard that I am, I'll sit on my ass down here and wait for the elevator to be fixed." I stared at Demiveemon, who was sweatdropping. "Forget it," I sighed. "Let's take the stairs." **end flashback** "..well, anyways, we got to the elevator and found some.. um.. rats had chewed the cords up, so we had to take the stairs..." **flashback** "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall! 98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 97 bottles of beer on the wall! 97 bottles of beer on the wall, 97 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 96 bottles of beer on the wall! 96 bottles of beer on the wall, 96 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 95 bottles of beer on the wall! 95 bottles of beer on the wall, 95 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 94 bottles of beer on the wall! 94 bottles of beer on the wall, 94 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 93 bottles of beer on the wall! 93 bottles of beer on the wall, 93 bottles of beer, take one down, pass it around, 92 bottles of beer on the wall! 92 bottles of beer.." "Demiveemon." "What?" "Shut up." I mumbled. Stress-o-meter reads 2. We both stopped at the next flight of stairs, and stared on, confused. An entire flight of stairs was missing. I gritted my teeth. "I knew the infrastructure needed repair, but this is ridiculous." Demiveemon bounded up and down. "Whadda we do, Davish?! Whadda we DO?!" I felt inclined to reach behind me and smack the little bastard with a 2x4. Given the lack of 2x4's in the area, though, my options were limited. "There aren't any other ways to get up to the next floor. If I digivolve you, can you give me a boost?" Demiveemon... digivolve to.. VEEMON! Veemon digivolve to... EXVEEMON!! "Right there, Davis," Exveemon barked, hoisting me up on his shoulders. "Hang on here we... ukkk!!" I fell off his back and landed on the concrete flooring in front of him, scratching up my hands. Stress-o-meter reads 3. A small fit of rage escaped. "What the hell was that for?!" "...hmm..." Exveemon hummed, trying to adjust his arms. "I'm too wide for the stairwell." I growled to myself. "Well, what do you want?" Exveemon snarled. "It's not my fault they make these things 2 meters wide. I'd better dedigivolve." "Forget it," I commanded. I was in too bad of a mood to think of any reasonable way to get out of this mess. "If you can't get out of there, just blast your way out." Exveemon struggled to turn to his side. "V-LASER!!" A blast of light roared from Exveemon's chest, blowing apart a large section of the stairwell wall. One thing I momentarily forgot was that the stairwell was on the side of the building. The flooring creaked slightly. "DEDIGIVOLVE!! DEDIGIVOLVE!!" I screamed. "Forget about it, we'll take the other stairwell!!" I quickly waved my D3, and me and Demiveemon dashed onto the floor we were currently on as the stairwell leaned off the building and collapsed to the ground with a crash. Quite remarkebly, no one heard it, Davis' apartment containing many of the heaviest sleepers in Odiaba. **end flashback** "Well, anyways, I was headed up the stairwell by myself, when all of a sudden it began collapsing! I managed to make it to the floor I was currently on before the stairwell fell to the ground." **flashback** Me and Demiveemon trudged wearily down the hall. "Whaddya know, this is our floor. Good." We moped over to our apartment, and I dug in my short pockets for my key. It wasn't there. "Eh... Vee... do you know where my key is?" Demiveemon shrugged. "Well, I did see one on the floor in the stairwell. I think someone dropped it." Face-fault time. Stress-o-meter reads 4. "Damn it!!" I yelled, going into a dance of rage. "We're going down there and looking for my key!!" **end flashback** "Well, when I got to my apartment, I realized I didn't have my key. I backtracked to the lobby and found it on a bench." **flashback** I picked up another heavy piece of granite and hurled it out of my way. "URRRGGGHHHH!!! Where is it?!" Heavy rock boulders started being flung over my shoulder as I dug through the wreckage. It was around 3 hours later, when we had cleaned out the entire wreckage, that I found it in my other pocket. Go figure. Anyways, Exveemon flew us both up to our floor and we unlocked the door. The living room was pitch black, save for a dull light radiating from down the hall. Jun's room. I would have to sneak. I reached and took a step forward, tripping on a shoe and falling on my face. Demiveemon let out a stifled laugh. Stress-o-meter reads 5. "What's going on here?" I whispered angrily. "There's shoes everywhere!" Demiveemon began wading through the sea of shoes. "I overheard your mother give permission for Jun to have a sleepover. We're going to have to be extra careful if we don't want to be caught. I'll distract." Demiveemon... digivolve to.. VEEMON! "Be right back!" Veemon wailed, tearing straight down the hall. My eyes grew wide. "Veemon! No..!" Various screams echoed through the hall, awakening no one again, miraculously. Veemon tore down the hall back to Davis' position at the boot room. "Davish! Duck back out!" Seeing no other alternative, I stepped outside into the hall as a phalanx of Jun's friends stampeded by. Shaking my head in disgust, I quickly jumped back in. Veemon quickly leaped back into my arms and I dedigivolved him. Jun and her friends came to a halt at my feet. Demiveemon acted limp in my hands. "Davis!!" Jun yelled. "Where's that blue lizard that just freaked us out?! Did he pass by here?" Demiveemon nudged me. "Down the hall." I sighed. Jun stopped and glanced at Demiveemon. "What's with the stuffed animal?" "Latest toy," I said, quickly. "And this one's for boys, really. If I push a button on the back it turns into a demon-thing." "Really?" One of Jun's friends barked. "Prove it." I hadn't realized it, but I was already reaching for my D3. Before I could stop myself, I had already pushed the button. Demiveemon... digivolve to.... VEEMON! Veemon.. digivolve to... EXVEEMON!! I collapsed under Exveemon, effectively flattening me. As I pulled myself out from underneath Exveemon's foot, he waved a friendly gesture. "Hi, girls." Every one of Jun's friends screamed and bolted out the door, except for Jun, anyways. She just fainted where she was. I quickly dedigivolved Exveemon and took Demiveemon back in my sore arms. Well, all of me was sore, Exveemon stepping on me and all. Stress-o-meter reads 6. **end flashback** "...Well, I came home and accidently woke you up, as you noticed. The demon-thing is still in my bedroom, play with it if you want. It's starting to annoy me, anyways." **flashback** It was nearly 5:30 AM. Never mind anything else, I just had to go to sleep. Make all this stress go away in a nice nap. Demiveemon went right away to my bedroom and curled up for his nap. I still had business. As I began to make my way to the kitchen, the phone rang. Groaning to myself, I yanked the receiver off the hook. "Yeah, what the hell do you want?!" "....Davis? I need to talk to you now. It's about something important." "God, Ken, can it wait until school? I have to get to bed now. Now. Noooooowwww. Okay? So if you'll shut the hell up for the time being it would be greatly appreciated." "Davis.. I love you..." I quickly threw down the reciever. Damn gays. Always thought Ken was gay, anyways. Ultimanium - A billion Kensukes/Daikens can't be wrong. Those authors will all burn in my personal hell. Not even a ditz like Davis deserves a fate like that. "I HATE GAYS!!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, again by some divine intervention not waking anyone up. Stress-o-meter reads 8. As I began making my way to the kitchen, the phone rang again. Moaning to myself, I ripped the receiver outward, nearly taking the phone itself with it. "Motomiya residence! What in freaking hell do you want?!" "...Davis?" "Ken, I told you to... oh. Sorry. Yolei? What do you want at this time of night?" "Well... I was wondering if you had Ken's number." "He only phones me every 10 minutes. 3478. Why are you phoning me now, Yolei?" "I would be able to catch him now and ask him out. He would get home on the mass transit right about now." I growled to myself. "It would be nice if you would save the emergencies for the late night calls." "I'm a complete dork though! Building my social life is an emergency! Well, thanks for talking! See ya!" I threw the receiver back on the phone. Rage...building... Stress-o-meter reads 9. As soon as I embarked back toward the kitchen, the phone rang again. I raced over and yanked the phone up again. "This isn't a freaking sex line, people! Save the calls for the morning!!" "Oh, well, sees like you're still up and going, Davis," An artificially deep voice hummed. "Say, is your refrigerator running?" "TM? Is that you?" The phone hung up. Stress-o-meter reads 10. Stress. Streeeeesssss... gotta get rid of it. I go through this every damn night. Jun's friends. Bad apartment maintenance. Demiveemon's singing. Fat guys. Gays. Digital World patrols. Collapsing stairwells. Whining nerds. Prank calls. But through all of the mayhem, there is one thing that will soothe my nerves.... A good toasted peanut butter sandwich. Yes, the beauty of toast. I slowly begin to make my way to the kitchen, reveling in the glory that is the toaster that manufactures the delicacy that embraces the smooth peanut paste spread across it. All it would take is a peanut butter sandwich to cancel out every last bad thing that happened to me that day. I slid two slices of bread into the slots on the toaster, and turned to the fridge to get a glass of milk. After I poured a cup, I returned the milk jug to the fridge and turned to the toaster. The bread had not popped up yet. I frowned. "Funny..." I reached over and latched onto the slider controlling the toast and tried to yank it up. Nothing happened. Suddenly, the switch rocketed up and a pair of bread slices shot up through the slots with a twang. My eyes grew wide as I examined them from my position. No. No. This can't be happening to me. No..... NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Dropping to my knees, pieces of toast in hand, I let out a scream. Turns out the toaster was broken. In my hands I held two pieces of burnt toast. **end flashback** "Well, that's how it went. My stress-o-meter had hit 11, and I wasn't about to take it anymore. I went outside several minutes later in a homicidal rage, toast in hand, and began punching out everyone I found on the street before the police caught up to me. I was standing in the middle of the street, toast in hand, screaming like a maniac. Looked like my stress finally got the better of me. That's how I got here. "On a brighter note, Demiveemon.... um.. that blue lizard guy was kind enough to send me a couple donuts he bought a day later. No one knows, but he hid a file in one of them, and I'm working on busting out of here. Until then, tell Ken to kiss my ass... no, wait, he's not going to take that the right way.... just tell him to take a long walk off a short pier. Next time TJ gives you a prank call, trace the number and return the favor. And tell those damn people to finish renovating the apartment. I want to be able to get to our apartment using the elevator next time. Talk to you later. "Sincerely, Davis Motomiya."