STRESS? By Ultimanium Ultimanium here. ..I.. actually got reviews! For my last fic, Burnt Toast. I guess the Digimon section really is the place to go for coverage... feedback was generally positive, and several requests for sequels arose in its first posting... but for the negative responses, no more gay jokes. I promise. =P How exactly does stress take its toll on the other Digidestined? We already witnessed Davis' plummet from grace... which isn't to say the other ones are invulnerable from a decline like that... Oh, and if you wonder throughout this fic, you can read the Ultimatum Saga and the Argetlahm Adventures at my account, and the Luddites were a cult during the early Industrial Revolution that destroyed and was generally opposed to new technologies employed in factories and such. Good reading. DISCLAIMER - I don't own Digimon. As I said before, Toei and Fox Kids are subject to the rule of some evil mysterious corporation bent on taking over the world. Also, I don't own Unreal Tournament.. GT games does. I have a copy though. No, you can't have it. I don't own the Pope either, thankfully. Neither do I own John Deere. This fic could be either PG or PG-13. I don't know, figure it out. Ultimanium picked up the phone. "Yeah, I know the Digiworld is in Code Red! Nothing can be done, okay... what do you mean, Puppetmon's on a caffiene rush? How the hell did he get coffee, anyways?!" Gennai rubbed the side of his head. "My bad. I was figuring if I got all the Dark Masters in one place and gave them a stern talk, they'd stop screwing things up around here... well, I decided to brew up some coffee for everybody, and... well... it went from there. I want you to get the Digidestined rallied right away so we can corral these guys up again." "No such luck. They're all scattered around Odiaba, and, moreover, .. um.." "What?" "Davis is in prison." Gennai lifted an eyebrow as he twirled the phone cord. "...er... Davis is in prison?" "Yeah. I didn't hear too much about it. All I know is that it had something to do with burnt toast." "...hmm... yeah. Anyways, would it be possible to get the Digidestined here today at least? I don't think there's going to be much of a Digital World left to defend if Piedmon dips into my coffee reserves again." "I'll see about it," Ultimanium sighed. "I need to get the Digidestined together and talk with them. Davis is effectively out of the picture for 8 years. We can't have stress killing off our Chosen, now. I'm going to have to put them through some... ahem... 'sensitivity training'. I'll get them to you as soon as possible." Gennai fumed. "I said this was an emergency!!" Ultimanium quickly hung up the phone and started whistling. "...oooookay then... I'd better bring the party wagon in...." He reached back for the receiver and started dialing numbers off. It was no more than 8 seconds later that the Chosen began filing in through the door, accompanied by their digimon. "...eh..." Ultimanium stammered. "Just how did you get here so fast?" Tai shrugged as he sat down. "We knew you were going to drag us all in here for a long talk, so we thought we'd come early." "How did you know, though?" "Scroll up." Matt droned. Ultimanium leaped back into whatever dimension he came from, sat down at his computer and scrolled up to the top of the story. "...ohhhhh. Okay." He tore back through space-time to his office and landed behind his desk, everybody watching Ultimanium with a twitch in their eyes. "Cross-dimensional travel is quite exhilirating," Ultimanium spoke, as he fell back into his swivel chair. "You all should try it sometime." Everybody continued staring at Ultimanium. Ultimanium shook his head. "Never mind. Anyways, is everybody here?.. yes..yes...yes... Veemon? What are you doing here?" "Do you posshibly think I'm not stresshed?" Veemon barked. "Davish can do well on his own for 5 minutesh. I got my own storiesh to share." "Whatever," Ultimanium sighed. "Take a seat." "Thanksh." Veemon hopped into a recliner in the corner of the office. "Okay," Ultimanium said, folding his hands. "Do you all have any idea why you are all here?" Everybody sat still. Crickets could be heard singing off in the distance. "Well, you all heard what happened to our friend Davis the other day. Apparently he was thrown out of sync after a harsh day in the Digital World and he went clinically insane. He's doing time at a nearby prison right now, and..." "Hi, guys!" Davis burst in through the door, wearing a prison outfit and brandishing a large iron ball clamped to his left leg. "Davish!" Veemon wailed. Ultimanium sweatdropped. "...oh... Davis.. how nice of you to join us..." "Yeah," Davis sighed. "I never thought they'd let me out of their either. However, I managed to cash in the 5 minutes probation I was awarded so far, and while I'm out I'm going to make a border run! I just thought I'd stop in and see what's going on." "..sure. There's a seat on the end." Ultimanium mumbled. "Why, thanks!" Davis squealed gleefully. He leaped onto a couch, inbetween Tai and Matt. "Hey, guys! Waaaasssssuuuppp!! How's my doppelganger doing?" "You're the doppleganger. I'm the real leader." Tai scowled. "No, I am." Davis growled. "No, I am." Tai retorted. "No, I am." "No, I am." "No, I am." "No, I am." "No, I am." "No, I am." "No, I am." "No, I am." "No, I am." "No, I am." "No, I am." "No, I am." Ultimanium buried his head in his hands. "Oh, sweet Jesus, just SHUT UP ALREADY!!! I want to be done by tonight, otherwise Gennai'll have my ass in a sling! Alright, let's get this over with. Davis was spending time at a nearby prison, which made me wonder about the psychological states of each Digidestined. We can't have a bunch of stressed-out psychos running around the Digital World. You are all here to share your suffering. Tell me the cause of your stresses and I will be more than happy to eradicate them." Davis glanced up. "Can you send TH to hell for me?" Ultimanium stood up. "No, but I can do the next best thing." He walked over, picked up TK and threw him into Ken's lap. "Hi, TK!" Ken chirped. "How about we..." "AAUUUUGGGHHHH!!" TK screamed, leaping away from Ken and hastily stumbling back to his chair. "Get AWAY!!" (A/N - I just couldn't resist. Sorry. ^_^) Davis nodded. "That's about all the stress management I needed for the day." "That's what you said last time." Yolei mumbled. "Er.. okay," Ultimanium murmured. "What I want each of you to do is write down a major stress of yours and submit it to me. Those people will come up after and talk to you about what they see that stress as and how they could possibly get around it." Ultimanium began walking around the room and handing out sticky notes. All the digidestined and digimon took the notes and started scribbling away. After Ultimanium had received slips from most of the attendees, he took one up and started reading it. "Here we go," Ultimanium smirked. "First we have... Veemon." "What does he mean?" Wormmon hummed. "He's got it easy. He just acts stupid and gets rewarded for it." Joe used both his hands to pull his face into a weird position. All of a sudden, wrapped candies started to rain from nowhere on top of him. "Yeeeah! Acting stupid has its perks! Thanks for mentioning that, Wormmon!" Wormmon sulked. "Don't mention it." He whispered, gloomily. "Well, Veemon," Ultimanium gestured to the area in front of his desk. "Take the stage and explain to us what angers you." VEEMON'S VESTED VIBRANT VOCABULARY (Or What The Hell Are You Saying?) "It all started when I firsht came in contact with other people, namely Davish. I would go up to people and talk to them occaishionally, though I can't shay they got the point... no one can undershtand me with the huge lishp I have." "Lisp." Tai pointed out. "Every shingle S I shay.. mainly those in wordsh... are replaced with 'sh'. No one can undershtand me like that. Watch thish..." Veemon turned to Izzy. "Shandy shells shea shells by the shea shhores." Izzy blinked. "..huzzah?" Veemon nodded. "My point exactly. I've tried practicing with Ultimanium on occaishion, though. It washn't pretty." Ultimanium stood from his chair. "Veemon had to undergo some 'training' before he could star in (A/N- Shameless plug time ^_^) the Ultimatum and the Argetlahm Adventures." Mimi crossed her legs. "What kind of training?" Veemon glanced hesitantly around the room before looking back down. "....shinging lessons." Matt let out a stifled giggle, which eventually caused everyone to face fault, laughing. "For crying out loud!" Veemon wailed. "It'sh not like they have shpeaking classesh, or shomething." "We've got around that, somewhat," Ultimanium sighed. "Alright, Veemon, take a deep breath and show them what you can do." Veemon took in an audible breath, and started speaking. "Hello, boys and girls, I am Veemon, Davis Motomiya's digimon partner. I am glad to meet you all." Agumon blinked. "...he didn't lisp." Veemon collapsed from hyperventilation several seconds after. Everybody just kind of stared at the unconscious heap on the floor. Ultimanium shrugged. "He could use some work. Until then, why don't we look back at Veemon's... ahem... more fateful days with his lisp? Watch us, boys and girls, as we take a trip into the past!" **Weird, funky colors cloud everyone's eyes as they get sucked into Ultimanium's fic authoring past...** *Veemon, Agumon and Patamon are all standing in what appears to be a massive engine room.* Ultimanium - What you see here is a scene from (A/N - Another shameless plug) the Argetlahm Adventures, when Veemon ventures into the engine room on the starship Argetlahm to activate a dimension-jumping device in order to save Gatomon from the clutches of the evil Super Saiyan Ultramagnus. (A/N - Don't understand? READ THE DAMN STORY. Thank you.) Agumon - Veemon! What are you doing down here? It's 1:45 in the morning! Patamon - We want answers! Veemon - What doesh it look like I'm doing? I'm going back to the third dimenshion to shave Gatomon! Agumon - (snickering) I think she's pretty comfortable in her fur. You need not worry. Patamon - (collapses laughing) Veemon - I mean... I'm going to the third dimenshion to... shave... urrgghhh!! Agumon - (rolling on the floor laughing) Veemon - (waves furiously) give me another chance! I'm going to the third dimenshion to ... s...s....SHAVE GATOMON!!! GOD DAMN IT!!! Ultimanium - (staring uneasily at Veemon) Well, as you can see, Veemon was extremely stresshed... er, stressed at the implications his lisp had on the rest of the group. Veemon was close to nervous breakdowns on multiple occaisions while filming the Ultimatum and the Argetlahm Adventures. It's easy to see why he's so embarassed about it. Anyways, I'm here to help. Come, brother. There is a world of healing ahead of you. Veemon - You.. you mean it? You're my shaviour! Ultimanium - I shave myself and myself only. Veemon - URRRRGGGHHHHH!!! "Never thought the guy had it so rough." Patamon sighed. "See? What does this tell you?" Ultimanium questioned. "It means that even the most vibrant, energetic worry-free people have their problems they want to get off their chest.... say, can someone move Veemon out of the way?" Gabumon hopped off his chair and shoved the still unconscious Veemon under Ultimanium's desk. "Thanks," Ultimanium spoke. "Anyone else? You know you want to." Izzy stood up. "I will." TECHNICAL SUPPORT, STARRING IZZY (Or, Izzy vs. The Luddites) "As much as I hated to admit it, I was bored," Izzy sighed. "I had conquered virtually every single computer frontier. I could program in C++. I purchased a supercomputer from NASA. I attempted hacking into the Pentagon and succeeded, and I launched several nuclear missiles at Iraq." Matt stared at Izzy. "No you didn't. If you really did, why didn't they say it in the news?" "Because," Izzy said, in his usual conspiracy-theorist voice, "They don't want you to know." "Whatever." TK sighed. "Well, anyways, I had run out of fun things to do on the computer. It had finally come to me that I would need to share my vast technical knowledge with the world. Me and Tentomon decided to start our own tech help phone line." Ultimanium - (grins) I think I know how lovely this is going to go. *Tentomon and Izzy are sitting in a booth set up in Izzy's living room. They are both surrounded by phones.* Tentomon - (pushes a button) Call on line 3! Izzy - (picks up phone) 'ello! Izzy Izumi's tech help is online and ready to help! Stupid Customer - Uh.. hi. You deal with compooter problems, right? Izzy - Please, sir, if you're going to pronounce it, pronounce it right. Stupid Customer - Could you help me with my compooter? It won't start up. Izzy - (to himself) okay, I can stand this. As long as the idiot doesn't mention 'compooter' again I'll be alright. Stupid Customer - Well, see, my compooter, it... Izzy - Sorry, mister, we have other calls incoming. (hangs up phone, picks up another one) Hello! Izzy Izumi's tech help is online and ready to help! Tai - Hey, Izzy, it's me, Tai. Do you know any good cheats for Unreal Tournament? Izzy - Tai, this is a tech help line. Tai - Exactly, I'm asking for technical help with Unreal Tournament! I keep losing and I'm wondering why. Do you know? Izzy - I don't know, maybe you suck? (hangs up phone, picks up another one) Hello! Izzy Izumi's tech help is online and ready to help! Somebody Named Ted - Hey, is this the Izumi residence? Izzy - (groans) I believe so. Why? Somebody Named Ted - Well, you sold me a laptop the other day and I ran into a little problem that I was hoping you could fix. Izzy - Shoot. Somebody Named Ted - I was playing a game on it one day after school, and it exploded. Izzy - (pauses) ... exploded? Somebody Named Ted - Yeah, boom, kablooie, chukapowkablammo. There's shards of silicon still embedded in my bedroom wall. What could I do to get it working again? Izzy - O_o ... um... well... you could try putting it back together... Somebody Named Ted - Okay, thanks. I'll try slipping my display card back in. (huge electrical shock is heard in background) Izzy - .... Ted? You there? (taps phone) Tentomon - It appears he has blown a fuse. Either that or the idiot killed himself. We have 5,578,685 more lines in queue. Izzy - This is retarded! Everybody phones me and asks me stupid questions! (hangs up phone, picks up another one) What the hell do you want? Joe - Alright, Izzy, it goes like this. One day I come into my computer room and the monitor light is blinking on and off. I try restarting it but nothing happens. What's the deal? Izzy - >_< Try moving the mouse. Joe - Okay, I'll just... hey, it came back on! Cool! (A/N - By that I refer to the screensaver option in Windows that automatically turns off your monitor. Idiots.) Izzy - (Slams down receiver) I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS!!! Tentomon - As of now, we have been online for 8 minutes. "You know how many people around here are computer illeterate and all." Ultimanium sighed. "Look who's talking." Patamon squeaked. Ultimanium blinked. "Oh, sorry." He backed up a couple of lines and corrected 'illiterate'. "Do we have any more volunteers?" Patamon nodded. "I was chased by the Pope once." Ultimanium twitched. "You were chased... by the Pope?" "Yeah, during the Digimon World Tour I digivolved into Angemon at some point, the Pope just happened to be on vacation there, and... well, you know how fanatic they are with that kind of thing. Actually, during the entire world tour, I ran into some groups that reeeeeally didn't like divine intervention...." THE QUASI-HOLY LIGHT (Or, If You're Happy And You Know It, Smite Them All) (During the World Tour. TK is in Moscow, for some odd reason.) Random Gazimon - Put me down, you freak! Angemon - (dragging Gazimon) Now THAT I can tolerate. Random Gazimon - Fairy! Angemon - That's it. HAND OF FATE!! (Proceeds to incinerate Gazimon) TK - Alright, we could have done without that. Davis - We're trying to save them here. Angemon - (blinks) ...Davis? What are you doing here? Davis - (glances at a piece of paper) I think our travel orders got mixed up. Meanwhile, in Antarctica.... Yolei - (standing in the middle of an ice waste, silent. Wind rushes by.) This isn't funny!!! TK - Quiet guys... I think I hear another one... Davis - That's a pretty deep voice. Angemon - That's because it's humming. Some kind of mantra... *Several people in white robes walk around a street corner. One is wearing an overly tall hat* Davis - It's the Pope! Sir, we'll have to ask you evacuate the city now! Monsters are raging throughout the streets, and... Pope - We have nothing to worry for. Our Savior is here. TK - Is there something I'm missing here? Angemon - Um... I think he's talking about me. Davis - I think we should get out of here. *All three turn and run, pursued by the Pope's private army* Pope - Come, Savior! I must feel your cleansing hands! Angemon - (yelling over his shoulder) I'm not Light! I'm Hope! Pope - You're both! Davis - You know you're never going to win, having a name like yours. Ultimanium drummed his fingers on the desk. "I'm sure you confused more than one person." "Just running from Moscow to Bejing was stressing enough for me." Patamon wheezed. Ultimanium sweatdropped. "You ran to China?" TK nodded. "We went over the mountains. That's how we lost the Pope." Matt stood up. "I have my own experience." "So," Ultimanium laughed. "What pisses you off?" "One word," Matt sighed. "Groupies." THE HOMECOMING KING (Or, Get Them Away) *Ultimanium is sitting in the middle of a large crowd, all watching impatiently a stage situated at the far end of the park.* Ultimanium - (holding a bag of popcorn) I don't think I ever did attend one of Matt's concerts, have I? Matt - (walks onstage carrying a guitar) Hiyo, everybody! *The crowd erupts in applause* Matt - We start the night off in introduction fashion tonight, as you'll see in the Teenage Wolves' new single, 'Blowing Things Up'! *Cheering grows louder. As Matt brings his hand down on the guitar for a heavy riff, the stage backing explodes and a DarkTyrannomon stamps through, snarling.* Ultimanium - (bites into some popcorn) Now this is entertainment. Matt - YOU again? You screwed up my last concert!! This isn't going to happen again!! *Several dozen girls leap onstage, one of them being...* Jun - Omigosh!! It's a big, huge, threatening, destructive big dinosaur thing-person-animal!! Matty, save us!! *All the girls hurl themselves forward and begin glomping Matt* Matt - HEEEELLLLLPPP!!!! Ultimanium - (jumps onstage) maybe you should put aside your.. ahem... "obsession" with girls and get rid of the giant dinosaur who's threatening the lives of everybody present.. Matt - (squirming) Really, I would! Help me out here! Ultimanium - (in a serious voice) Matt, love is a personal struggle. Only you can deal with it. Matt - THIS ISN'T LOVE!! THIS IS.. EVIL!! Matt shuddered. "Just thinking about the situation makes me feel violated. Thanks for nothing, Ulty." He stood to his feet and left search for the nearest container of holy water he could find. "I don't know what such a big fuss is about," Gabumon commented. "I would be happy to be in his position." Everybody glared at him. "I mean.. compared to my problem." IT'S NATURAL, REALLY (Or, Screw the Whales! Save Me!) (A/N - Watch out, this one's pretty f**ked up.) "It was just like any other day," Gabumon sighed. "Any other day that I headed out in public and regretted bringing my fur with me." **funky colours wash over everybody's sight again as they delve into the past once more...** *Gabumon is walking down the street, whistling. People passing by just stare at him as he continues on by. Ultimanium watches from a back alley.* Ultimanium - Heh... he's gonna get in crap for that... *Gabumon continues walking when, all of a sudden, a large angry mob walks around the intersection behind him.* Angry Idiot - Hey! You there! What the hell do you think you're doing? Guy with the blue-white fur! Gabumon - (turns around) Why, hello there! How are you doing on this fine day? Other Angry Idiot - Alright, man, we aren't exactly hip with your vibes, but we know when something's going down! Gabumon - I don't believe I caught you there. Angry Idiot - Alright, dude, we're from PETA! Gabumon - Pita? Why didn't you say so? I know a good coffee shop where they make really good... Other Angry Idiot - Freeze your flames, man! We aren't done with your punk-ass yet! Gabumon - (looking around) What did I do? Angry Idiot - I'll tell you what you did! You're the mysterious poacher that Canadian officials have been on the lookout for for the past 8 years! You nearly drove the Great Blue Crested Wolf into extinction, you bastard! Don't think you're going to get away with it this time!! Gabumon - (glances at the fur he holds to his arm) You mean this? This has been mine since I was a Baby! Other Angry Idiot - Yeah, that's what they all say! Come with us, and maybe we won't have to hurt you! Gabumon - (backs away) Gadzooks... (turns and goes into a sprint) Angry Idiot - He's getting away! AFTER HIM!!! *Car chase music begins to play.* *Gabumon stops, kicks a kid off his bicycle and steals it, pedaling away as fast as he can. The Angry Idiot hijacks a lawn tractor from a nearby hardware store and races after him. For some strange reason, both the tractor and Gabumon are blazing down the street unrealisticly fast.* Bystander - 20 bucks on the furry thing. Other Bystander - You're on. *To make things interesting, Gabumon powerslides on his bike, if such a thing is possible, and cruises into the lobby of an office building. He stops the bike inside an elevator, as does the Angry Idiot.* Angry Idiot - Oh, hey there. What floor? Gabumon - Roof access. Angry Idiot - Why the hell would you escape there on a bike? Gabumon - (shrugs) I don't know, why would you chase me there on a lawn tractor? I figured I'd make things interesting. *The elevator dings to a halt, and both Gabumon and the Angry Idiot roar out after each other, the Angry Idiot trailing Gabumon by several feet. Both the bicycle and lawn tractor cruise up a flight of stairs to the roof. Convieniently, there is a ramp placed on the far edge of the roof surface.* Gabumon - (looks back at Angry Idiot) Great, I can lose him here. *The scene plays from a top view in slow-mo as Gabumon rides the bike up the ramp and jumps to an adjacent building, landing with ease. As the lawn tractor heads up the ramp, the engine cuts out and it begins its descent.* Angry Idiot - If someone had told me this was a John Deere, we could have avoided this tragedy. Gabumon! You've won the battle, but don't think you've won the war!!! *The lawn tractor screams straight into the ground with an echoing crash next to Ultimanium, sitting on a bench and licking an ice cream cone.* Ultimanium - O_o Tai folded his arms. "Racing a lawn tractor and a bicycle. Is that possible?" "He said it was a John Deere," Davis moaned. "How many times do we have to point that out to you?" "...sorry." Tai sulked. "Between saving Gomamon from seal hunters and keeping people with weedeaters away from Palmon, I would say that is the source of my stressful moments in life." Gabumon snorted. Everybody just kind of stared at him. Gomamon and Palmon sat across the room, Gomamon having several spears lodged in him and Palmon missing large pieces out of the flower on her head. Both appeared mildly disgusted. Ultimanium bared a menacing grin. "I would say one of my most stressful moments, besides writing this fic, is HAVING TO LISTEN TO YOU GUYS!!! Hurry up already!!" Gatomon sat on a recliner next to Veemon's old seat, arms folded. She, too, seemed stressed by the entire situation. "It sucks being a Champion that looks like a Rookie. Being cute has its perks, but otherwise blows." TOO MANY FEATURES IN ONE PACKAGE (Or, Action Figures That Just Don't Work) *Gatomon is sitting in a recliner not unlike the one she is in right now, in an office similar to Ultimanium's. Kari is seated on a folding chair next to her. A large, dark, evil, megalomanic figure sits across from her at a large desk.* Kari - (whispering to Gatomon) Could we leave anytime soon? We were supposed to meet Yolei for lunch an hour ago. Gatomon - (pouting) You can't blame me. Dark Evil Megalomanic Sponsor - We're not letting you leave until you come up with a solution that pleases us. Gatomon - I don't do cute. Dark Evil Megalomanic Sponsor - That's a secret between you and me. You will do cute if you even want to leave this place alive. Kari - (growls to herself) Why the hell do you need Gatomon for this, anyways? Dark Evil Megalomanic Sponsor - Because our old model died! And because we lost our old plans, we can't make any more action figures of that type, and your... ooo...(goes into a fit of sensitivity) ...Gatomon is sooooooo cute! She'll be absolutely perfect for the new design! Whaddya say? Just for old times sake? *Gatomon and Kari stare at each other hesitantly.* Gatomon - (turns back to Dark Evil Megalomanic Sponsor) For the last time, Hello Kitty is dead. Dark Evil Megalomanic Sponsor - (raging) Never, NEVER say that to my face, is that understood? Hello Kitty action figures will live on forever, whether you like it or not! Gatomon - If she's so alive, why do you have to build an action figure based on me instead? Gatomon - (whispering to Kari) This isn't good. I can't insist all I want that I'm not cute, but I don't have any lethal attacks to cover up for it. Could you help me out here? Dark Evil Megalomanic Sponsor - (twiddling his thumbs) Well... you look a lot like her... and... we're... um... we're modernizing!! Yeah, that's it!! We're getting into the new generation's vibes!! Yeah!! *Gatomon and Kari sweatdrop* Gatomon - Fine, I give up, on one condition. Dark Evil Megalomanic Sponsor - Anything! Gatomon - I'm not cute, okay? I'm lethal! I can kill off Rookies with a flick of my wrist! I want to get that across to you people! So, include a weapon in the playset - a battleaxe, an assault rifle, a butane torch, whatever - as long as it's lethal, I want something in there to enhance my image! Dark Evil Megalomanic Sponsor - (eyes watering) Hello Kitty never had to chop anybody... or shoot anybody... or light anybody on fire... why? Why do you have to do this to me? Kari - (grins) C'mon, everybody makes peace and love with weapons nowdays. Vietnam, Bosnia, Kosovo, you know. All those weapons went in there and all that peace, love, sincerity and understanding came out in less than a year! It's the new wave of friendmaking! Dark Evil Megalomanic Sponsor - (wiping eyes) Well.. alright. I'll see what I can do. "Well," Gatomon sighed. "Turns out the battleaxe never made it to the final cut. Instead they gave me some cartoony mallet to use." Joe sat forward. "So what did you do about it?" Gatomon glared back at Joe. "I went back to that office, claws sharpened, and I carved that f**king idiot's head off, that's what!!" As Gatomon continued to rant, inserting expletitives every couple seconds, the entire group stared at each other, with somewhat afraid looks on their faces. Ultimanium's eyes closed from their wide open position. "....yeeeees. Don't you have anybody to share this anger with? You know, talk it out?" Veemon sat up. "You can talk to me anytime, Gato!" "Shut the hell up." Gatomon muttered. "You're conscious again?" Ultimanium snickered. "Great, get back into your seat then." "Not that conscious." Veemon sighed, and collapsed back into his comatone heap. Ultimanium glanced at the wall clock. "We only have about 10 minutes left before Gennai hunts me down and kicks my ass to the moon. We have to finish by then. I think we should have time for one more. Anyone willing to spill?" "We all know mine," Gomamon growled. "Joe, can you help me here?" Gomamon reached behind himself and began tugging on a hunting javelin embedded in his back. "I don't want to see anything sharp for as long as I live!" Palmon cried. "Being a holy figure sucks," Patamon squeaked. "Shut up, being cute sucks." Gatomon sighed. "I've accidently lit so many things on fire with my breath it's not funny." Agumon drooped back into his chair. "I think we're all happy that Odiaba has a 500-man volunteer fire department," Tai muttered. "And that's just to hold off Agumon's pryo moments, not extinguish them." "It's not my fault!!" Agumon yelped. "Shut the hell up!" Matt yelled. "I lost a perfectly good set of window blinds thanks to you! That lizard is NOT coming into my house again!" Veemon sat up. "Hey!" "I wasn't talking to you." Veemon grinned. "Oh, okay." He fell back to the ground with a thud. Tai turned to Mimi. "Is it me, or is having Palmon around really contributing to the weed growth in Odiaba?" Mimi fumed. "What's with you?" "I wanted you to come up here to put out your stress, Tai." Ultimanium sighed. "Now look what you're doing." "I'm not even aware why we're yelling." Cody mumbled. "Maybe we all have some stress confined up, too much to let loose in a formal manner." "I have a southern accent!" Armadillomon wailed. "Everybody always says how I sound so funny... I hate it..." "Whoever dubbed me must have hailed from the Shakespearean era." Hawkmon stated. Veemon sprung up. "Can it! At leasht people can actually undershtand you!" Gatomon smacked Veemon over the head, and turned to the group. "Ha! Am I the only one here with a legible voice, or what?" "Shut up, all of you!" Biyomon shouted. Yolei plugged her ears. "Get that damn annoying voice out of here!!" "Annoying? Annoying?" Sora growled. "Biyomon's not the digimon with the Dark Age acting voice!" "With all due respect," TK said solemnly, holding back from socking Sora in the face, "Biyomon is the annoying one. Turning into she-man Garudamon doesn't help the appearance either." Sora glared at TK. "I've got one word for you and your little partner there." "No. No!" Patamon winced. "BATPIG!!" Ken folded his arms, with an annoyed look on his face. "While we're at it, I would like to say to everyone out there that whatever Ultimanium says about me is not true. I am not gay! Ultimanium, you've painted me a life of grief and you're not going to live to tell about it!" "Aw, hel.." Ultimanium was cut short as Ken dove at him and wrestled him to the ground, both sides attempting to hit each other. Matt threw down the cover on Izzy's laptop, clipping his fingers. "Damn it, quit looking up your fricking hentai and help us out here!" Izzy stared at Matt. "I was NOT looking up porn! I was.. um... I was.... never mind, I didn't like what you did!" "Then I suppose it wouldn't mind if I did this, then?" Matt reached behind the laptop and switched it off. Izzy sprung on Matt and wrestled him to the floor and started fighting. Everyone joined in shortly after, digivolved forms included. "V-LASER!!" Ultimanium dove to the floor as a laser tore over his head and blasted through the back wall. Cautiously, he reached onto his desk and took the phone off, and dialed a number. "Hello? Ultimanium, are you done with them yet? Machinedramon's starting to rust from all the coffee flying around here! If the digidestined were here we could have avoided this!! Where are they?!" "Well..." Ultimanium sighed. "I think they're not going to be there for a while longer. We're in a little hassle here and..." "STAND STILL, SHE-MAN!! I HAVE YOU RIGHT WHERE I WANT YOU!!!" echoed in the background. "Ultimanium," Gennai yelled. "What exactly is going on there?!" Ultimanium grinned, nervously. "Nothing you need to know." ******** Piedmon cartwheeled down the hill. "Once upon a time, there was a flourishing Digital World! This Digital World HAD LOTS OF COFFEE IN IT!!! THE DARK MASTERS INVADED IT AND HAD COFFEE FOR THE REST OF TIME!!! EVERYBODY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!! BWWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!" Piedmon, upon landing, proceeded to backflip into the horizon. "I - am - afraid - I - cannot - move." Machinedramon sighed, heavily. "This - coffee - substance - has - invigorated - me - greatly, but - I - am - rusted - severely - from - it." Puppetmon staggered up, shaking. He held a mug in his hand. "C-C-Coffee-e-e a-any-y-one?!" "I could swim in it for all I care!!" Metalseadramon bellowed. Gennai charged after the Dark Masters. "Yaaauuugghhh!! You bastards!! Give me my coffeepot back, and get out of here before I have to get the Digidestined myself!!" Piedmon shot back into view. "You'll have to catch us first!!" He seized the coffeepot and sprinted off into the distance, leaving only a cloud of dust. The remaining Dark Masters and Gennai chased Piedmon back off into the horizon. Stress was on everybody's mind. Wherever it was exploited, though, it caused maximum destruction. Ultimanium would know that. Ultimanium - (dodges a Hand of Fate) You know what that means. THIS IS THE END!! Review! Review! I'm going to stay here until I get some sort of response, as much as I'm going to regret it! Metalgarurumon - Metal Wolf Claw!! *A massive blue laser slams into Ultimanium, sending him through the wall* Ultimanium - REVIEEEEEEEEEEEEW!! THE END (YAY!!!)